Page 79 of Too Late

I love you!

No one has ever said that to me.

I feel dizzy. It feels like my head is floating on the ceiling and my eyes are looking down at my body, sitting in the bathtub. I wonder if this is why my mom likes the yellow pills. Because it makes her feel like the important parts of her are floating high in the air where no one can reach her?

I close my eyes and whisper, “I love you,” to no one while I float in the air. Someday I’ll find someone and I’ll make them like me enough to want to say those words to me. I want it to be a girl. Aprettygirl. One my dad doesn’t think is a whore.

That would be nice. Maybe she’ll love me enough to make me coconut cake. I really like coconut cake.

If I ever find a girl who says those words to me and makes me coconut cake, I’ll keep her. I won’t throw her away like Brady throws away the notes from his mom.

I’ll keep her forever and I’ll never let her leave me. I’ll make her tell me she loves me every single day.

“I love you, Asa,” she’ll promise me. “I’ll never leave you.”

Present Day

I’ve never killed anyone before. Not until just a few minutes ago when I shot the guy upstairs for trying to take what wasn’t his.

I’m still not sure how I feel.

I should probably be worried because murder comes with repercussions. I should also be pissed, because as soon as I shot the guy and pulled Sloan into this room, the rest of those fuckers I hired scrambled like eggs.

I guess they’re scared I’ll shoot them, too.

I suppose I am a little worried about the repercussions and all that shit. Normally when a gun is fired, someone calls the cops. Which means they’re probably on their way here right now, thanks to a nosy goddamn neighbor.

And I’m referring to therealcops. Not this poor excuse sitting in front of me right now.

I’m disappointed this isn’t going down how I had planned. I shootoneguy out of self-defense and the rest of them just give up on their fucking duties and scram? That means Jon, Kevin, and Dalton are no longer being detained by them. Which means at least one of them is about to come beating on this door, wondering why the fuck I set them all up like I did.

Which means …I’m kind of in a bind right now. I’m running out of options. I think the only option I really have left is to shoot Luke in his goddamn smug face and get Sloan out of here while I still can. Sure, she’s going to be a little traumatized. But we could go to therapy or something whenever we get settled again. She’s going to need it after being brainwashed like she was.

It’s kind of sad that I’m only left with one option and I only have a minute or so to follow through with it, because I really wanted to hear Luke tell me what it was like when he fucked Sloan.

Not because I would have been turned on by it.I’m not fucking morbid.

I wanted to hear it, because I need the vision. I need to know what he said to her to make her fall for it. I need to know if he had to talk her into it like I did. I need to know if she made the same noises that she sometimes makes when she’s with me. I want to know what position he fucked her in. Was he on top? Was she? Was he behind her?

I just need to know so I can make sure I don’t do or say any of the things he said to her when I make love to her in the future. I need to make sure I never fuck her in the same positionshefucked her in.

But now I’m out of goddamn time, because someone is beating on the door and Luke still hasn’t opened his mouth.

“Asa!”

It’s Dalton.

I’m still not sure what to think about Dalton. I really like him. He’s coke, everybody likes coke. But everyone knows cocaine is one of the most widely impersonated drugs there is. A whole hell of a lot of imposters. Dealers selling crushed-up aspirin on street corners to half-dead crack addicts who can’t even tell the difference.

Dalton may not evenbecocaine. He’s probably a bottle of fuckingAdvil, crushed up and poured into a baggie.

“Asa, open the door!” Dalton yells.

I reach behind me and make sure the door is locked. “Where did everyone go?” I yell to Dalton. “It’s quiet out there!”

“Open the door so we can talk.” He’s right on the other side of the door now.

I laugh and repeat myself. “Whereiseveryone, Dalton? Where are Jon and Kevin?”