Page 43 of Too Late

I bring the fingers of my right hand over to my left and I twist the ring around nervously. I guess the one positive aspect of this ring being so big is that I could probably use it in self-defense. Might come in handy if I find myself alone with Jon again.

I can feel the anxiousness crawl into my stomach before I even notice him staring. Carter is on the other side of the living room. He’s leaning against the wall, next to Dalton. His arms are folded together and—true to his word—he’s not looking directly at me. Technically. He’s looking down at my hand.

I stop twisting the ring, and when I do, his eyes flick up to mine. They’re narrowed, his jaw set tight. Dalton is standing next to him, laughing and talking like Carter is completely engaged in whatever he’s saying. But just like Carter said earlier, he can’t see anything else—he only sees me. His expression doesn’t waver. Even when Asa returns with two glasses of champagne and forces one of them into my hands, Carter still doesn’t look away. It’s almost as if he’s torturing himself on purpose.

I try to save him a little bit of pain and look away first. It probably doesn’t help that I look up at Asa. I can still feel Carter’s eyes on me as Asa raises his glass.

“Fuckers!” he yells. “Turn off the music!”

A few seconds later, the music cuts off. Everyone in the room turns toward us and I suddenly want to run back up the stairs and hide. I force myself not to look at Carter.

Once Asa has everyone’s attention, he says, “Most of you already know, because I haven’t kept my fucking mouth shut since she said yes.” He holds up my hand. “But she said yes!”

Collective cheers and congratulations come from the room, but they quickly dwindle as it becomes apparent that Asa isn’t finished speaking.

“I’ve loved this girl for a long time now,” he says. “She’s my fucking world. So it’s about damn time we make it official.” He smiles at me and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t something inside me that feels a little something for him—even if it is only sympathy at this point. Somewhere deep inside, I know he is the way he is because of the hand he was dealt as a child. A part of me can’t fault him for that. But just because a lot of his behavior can probably be excused by whatever awful people were around him as a child, doesn’t mean I’m required to subject myself to a life of unhappiness simply because he loves me.

Because he does love me. He may love me with his own twisted take on love, but hedoeslove me. That much is obvious.

Asa points across the room. “Carter! My man! Help us celebrate this monumental occasion with a toast!”

I close my eyes. Why is he pulling Carter into this? I can’t look. I can’t.

“Someone get that fucker a glass of champagne!” Asa yells.

I open my eyes and slowly drag them across the room toward Carter, who still has the same expression on his face. Only this time, he’s being handed a glass of champagne.

And a chair to stand on.

Fuck my life.

Asa pulls me against him and kisses the side of my head as we both watch Carter step onto the chair. The room is incredibly quiet. He’s commanded the room in a way that Asa didn’t even command it, and Carter hasn’t even spoken a word yet. It feels like they all care more about what Carter has to say than what Asa had to say. Something I hope Asa doesn’t notice.

Carter doesn’t look at me. He winks at Asa and brings his glass of champagne to his mouth. He downs the entire glass in one gulp before he even makes the toast. When his glass is empty, he holds it out to Dalton, who is holding the bottle of champagne. He refills Carter’s glass, and then Carter pulls it to his chest and looks straight at Asa. I can see him blow out a quick, pent-up breath right before he begins speaking.

“It’s hard to believe we’ve reached the age of engagements. Marriages. Creating families. But it’s even harder to believe that Asa Jackson is the one beating us all to it.”

A few laughs break out around the room.

“I’ve never really seen myself as the type of guy who would settle down. But after spending time with Asa and getting to know him better—witnessing firsthand how much hevalueshis relationship with Sloan, he may have just changed my mind. Because if he can end up with a girl as beautiful as her, then maybe it’s not too late for the rest of us.”

People begin to raise their glasses, but Carter waves a hand in the air to hush them. I can feel Asa tense at my side, but I’ve been tense since Carter started speaking.

“I’m not finished,” Carter says, his eyes roaming over the crowd. “Asa Jackson deserves a longer toast than this, you impatient fuckers.”

More laughs.

Carter downs his second glass of champagne and then waits for Dalton to refill it for a third time. My pulse is racing so hard, I’m praying Asa doesn’t grab my wrist and feel it.

“While Sloan is very,verybeautiful,” Carter says, making sure not to look at me, “looks have shit-all to do with love. Love isn’t found in the attraction you have to someone. Love isn’t found in the laughter you share. Love isn’t even found in all the things you have in common. Love is not, in any way, shape, or form, defined by nor found in the abundance of bliss it brings two people.” He downs his third glass of champagne and with the same routine, Dalton fills Carter’s glass for a fourth time. I take a sip of my own glass now that my mouth and throat have completely run dry.

“Love,” Carter says, his voice a little more slurred and a little bit louder. “Love is notfound. Lovefinds.”

Carter’s eyes move across the room until they land on mine. “Love finds you in the forgiveness at the tail end of a fight. Love finds you in the empathy you feel for someone else. Love finds you in the embrace that follows a tragedy. Love finds you in the celebration after the conquering of an illness. Love finds you in the devastation after thesurrenderto an illness.”

Carter raises his glass. “To Asa and Sloan. May love find you in every tragedy you face.”

The room erupts in cheers.

---