Page 80 of Rumi: The Hawthornes

“Right,” I said, nodding even though she couldn’t see me. “Your car door. I can come get you, okay?”

I headed for my keys.

“No,” she replied. I didn’t comprehend it right away. “I can’t come over tonight, Rumi.”

“What?” I stopped, my hand on my keys. “Why?”

“It’s the middle of the night. Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not fuckin’ drunk.”

“Well, what am I supposed to think?” she asked tiredly. “You called me over and over in the middle of the night.”

“I called you three times,” I clarified.

“I stand corrected.”

I couldn’t believe this. Nova hadneverlet me down when I needed her. She had always been my right hand, my sounding board, the only person I could talk to about everything.

“I really need you, No,” I said again, trying to get across to her that this wasn’t some bullshit. I couldn’t explain to her why. I couldn’t tell her what had gone down. It was a club matter and as such, I’d never be able to talk to Nova about it. Ever.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tonight.”

There was that something in her voice again. The tone I didn’t recognize.

Then I realized that maybe it was her indifferent voice. Her leave-me-alone voice.

“Yeah, okay,” I said in disbelief, staring at my front door. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“You didn’t bother me, Rum—”

“I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

I hung up before she could answer. I was coming apart at the seams, thinking about everything that could’ve happened because me and Micky had left to blow off some steam and put our seventeen-year-old brother in charge of keeping Emilia safe. How fucking idiotic were we? How had we thought that was okay? Why hadn’t we even considered that the motherfucker who was chasing Emilia wouldn’t be too happy that we’d laughed in his face and sent him on his way?

“Fuck,” I yelled, running my fingers through my hair.

I fucking needed Nova. I needed her to tell me that everything was fine. How the fuck had we gotten to this place where I flat out told her I needed her, and she told metoo bad?

I must’ve paced my house for an hour, wondering how the hell I could fix things with Nova. We’d gotten to a place in our relationship where she wouldn’t even come to me when I needed her and that was unacceptable. I had to fix it. I had to apologize again for anything I’d done wrong and find a way to repair it. I didn’t want to do life without Nova. I didn’t knowhowto do life without Nova.

But then at some point, the panic and the fear and the confusion turned to anger.

Fuck Nova. Fuck her for not being there when I needed her. Fuck her for saying that just because we’d had sex a few times, she no longer wanted to be friends. She’d been just as active a participant in things andIwasn’t tellingherthat we couldn’t be friends if we were no longer fucking. Now, because I didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, she just fucking deserted me? I guess we weren’t as good of friends as I thought we were. Obviously notbestfriends like we’d always said if she could just ditch me.

It went on like that until I fell asleep. Guilt weighed me down as I thought of how scared Emilia must’ve been and how wrong everything could’ve turned out. Panic that Nova seemed to have ended our friendship completely. Rage that she had.

By the next morning, I had a little more control over my emotions.

If Nova didn’t want to be friends, that was her decision. I wasn’t going to beg her.

Chapter 16

Nova

Life seemed tofall back into a normal pattern the next day. I went to work, did laundry, thought about texting Rumi but didn’t, and hung out with Bird. Pop slept in late, so I didn’t have to see him in the morning, but by the time I came home that night, he was in a good mood and sitting at the kitchen table like nothing had happened the night before. Nana shook her head at me as I met her eyes, so I kept my mouth shut about it.

Unfortunately, life at home from that point on felt like we were living on top of a bomb that was just waiting for one wrong step to detonate.

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