Page 104 of Rumi: The Hawthornes

“Okay.”

“You’re going to go over all of this in your head a thousand times,” she said sympathetically. “There’s no way around it, just through it.”

“Great,” I breathed.

“If there’s one thing that you can take heart in, sweetheart,” she said with a sad smile. “It sounds like your pop was lucid in the end and all he could think about was you and Bird. That says something. Try and hold on to that when all of this feels like it’s suffocating you.”

“I will,” I said, laying my head back on Rumi’s shoulder.

“And your nana is on her way here,” she said, almost as an afterthought, as she headed for the door.

“They let her go?” I asked in surprise.

“Not for good.” Brenna grimaced. “Just for now.” She tapped her fingers quickly on the doorframe: pinkie, ring, middle, pointer. “Don’t worry—the club has a lawyer on retainer.”

After she left, me and Rumi were quiet.

“Did you—” he stopped and sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me, No?”

The answer was complicated and simple at the same time.

“It wasn’t so bad,” I said, staring at the dull tan wall. “He was acting weird, you know? Losing his temper and blowing up—but he hadn’t really hurt any of us. I thought it would get better.”

“That bruise on your shoulder,” Rumi murmured.“Fuck.”

“I told you it was no big deal.”

“I should have seen it.”

“You saw what I wanted you to see,” I murmured tiredly. Between the pain medicine they’d given me and the meltdown I had, it was getting really hard for me to keep my eyes open. I wanted to be awake when Nana got there, but I didn’t know how I was going to manage it.

“I know you better than anyone,” Rumi replied, laying his cheek on the top of my head, careful not to touch the tender area near my forehead. “I should’ve known.”

“I didn’t want you to know,” I said, sleep pulling me under. “You’ve never known anything I didn’t want you to.”

“Like what?” he asked in surprise.

I didn’t bother answering as I let sleep pull me under. It would be a relief to not have to think or interact for a while.

When I woke up sometime later, Nana was sitting at the foot of my bed. She looked how I felt.

“Hey, baby girl,” she said softly, her hand gently rubbing my shin. “I’m glad you got some rest.”

“Are you okay?” I asked, blinking blearily at her. I had a headache that was so intense it felt like my head would explode at any second.

“Am I okay?” she asked doubtfully. “You’re the one lying in a damn hospital bed.”

“I’m so sorry, Nana,” I said, my nose stinging.

“What the hell do you have to be sorry for?” she exclaimed, her eyes filling with tears. “Baby,I’msorry. Jesus, when I think of what you went through—”

“You had to—” I couldn’t even get the words out, they were so abhorrent.

You had to shoot the man you loved. Your other half. Your soul mate.

“And I would do it again,” she said softly, looking into my eyes. “And Samson wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“I don’t understand why this happened,” I said helplessly, my breath hitching. “It’s not fair.”

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