Page 111 of Illicit Education

She was afraid of me.

Fuck, I really was a monster.

I breathed deeply and tried to bring it down a notch, tried to tap into that control I was so fucking lacking lately.

I searched her gaze, heart aching with the feelings she stirred within me. I wanted to rip my chest open and show her the way she’d completely destroyed me. My heart wasn’t even mine anymore; it beat for her, belonged to her.

“Every fucking thing isyou, do you understand that?” I breathed hard, trying to streamline my chaotic thoughts. “Everything. Since the day you walked into my life, I fucking choose my goddamn socks based on whether or not I think you’ll like the color.”

She sucked in a breath.

“That first week? When it was so obvious that we”–I motioned between us– “it was so obvious, right? I mean, I know I wasn’t the only one who felt it.” I scoffed. There was no way I was the only one who felt that. It was incredible, the magnetism. Primal and fucking impossible to ignore.

Obviously. I shook my head in disgust. I’d lost all semblance of who I was before her.

“I couldn’t do anything about it. But then, oh fuck, those two days when I had to wait for you to tell me what you decided about the Rabbit Hole…” I shook my head.Stop talking.“I’ve never been more useless in my life.” I laughed bitterly, hating that I was admitting something that made me appear so weak. “I don’t know what I would have done if you’d denied me.”

I breathed deeply, closed my eyes, and counted to ten.

Then I lifted my head and looked her in the eyes. “You’vedestroyedme, Rylan.”

Her brow furrowed and she searched my gaze, trying to make sense of my ranting.

“Every manuscript I read, all I can think about is ‘will Rylan like this?’” I laughed again, slightly amused even though every word that came out of my mouth exposed more of me. “Everything that passes by my desk makes me think of you. I’m the goddamn CEO of Reed Publishing and I can’t even come to a decision without wondering if you’ll agree with it.”

I shook my head in disbelief, then put the car back into drive and maneuvered us back onto the road.

This was insane. Every fucking bit of this, from the way I’d fallen for someone in a matter of weeks to the absolutely infuriating way I’d just told her all of those private thoughts… utterly ridiculous.

I’d lost control.

I laughed at that concept. Cabot fucking Reed losing control. Who was I if not that man?

After another ten minutes, Rylan cleared her throat.

I’d almost forgotten she was there, so lost in my own thoughts.

“Where are we going?”

“Whitestone,” I snapped, quickly throwing her an apologetic glance. “Thirty-nine fucking years,” I grumbled, shaking my head. “Thirty-nine fucking years and no one has managed to walk into my fucking life and turn it upside down. Then you came running into Reed Tower trying not to piss your pants”—I side-eyed her—“and I fell in love with you the very first fucking day.”

She gasped and covered her mouth.

“The CEO and the intern? Seriously?” I roared with laughter, glancing at her to see if she had reached the same absurd conclusion. “I’m goddamn Bill Clinton.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

Rylan

Cabot Reed was in love with me.

If I hadn’t been so on edge, so afraid of his current—slightly unhinged—state of mind, I’d be bouncing off the walls, climbing into his seat to cover him with kisses.

Although, even in a good mood, he’d probably disapprove of that behavior.

But I didn’t even care. The man had just admitted that he felt the same way I did. Nothing else mattered.

Was it crazy? Duh. We’d known each other for less than a month.

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