Page 64 of Game Changer

“She’s in grad school. Training to be like you, actually.”

That’ll be a treat.

“You feel guilt over what happened,” he says.

“I’ll always have that.”

“Because you love her.”

“Obviously. She’s my little sister.”

“But?”

“But I let her down. I was supposed to look out for her, and instead, I was doing basketball. It’s the only thing I’m good at. I gave up everything for this. It’s who I am. If I’m not the best, then what the fuck am I?”

“You seem more agitated than in our last few sessions. Has something changed?”

Nothing. Nothing has changed, except…

Her face flashes in my mind.

“I met a woman. It was completely random.”

It felt like fate.

“She makes me question things.”

Like whether basketball is the only thing I want in my life.

At the party, having Nova in my arms was the closest I’ve felt to freedom in a long time. I don’t have to perform when I’m with her. She sees beyond the image to the man underneath.

“I want to be around her,” I say.

“But?”

“But the last time I wanted to be around someone ended badly.” My chest tightens as the words come out.

He shifts forward in his seat, eyes brightening. I’ve just fed him some prime therapist catnip shit. “What happened?”

The pain in my chest never completely goes away. It’s been better over the years, but it still lingers. “I was serious about her, and she was serious about fucking the GM of our team behind my back for months.”

The ache intensifies as I think of the way I felt when I found out. The hurt. The anger.

“That must have been painful.”

“The organization covered it up.”

In the name of winning, they hid the truth. As if I was too fragile or stupid to handle it. As if I was a machine and not a man.

It was a reminder that they valued winning more than truth or respect for me.

“And that was the start of your struggles.”

I nod, my mouth dry.

What he means is it was the start of the darkest moments.

Not knowing who I wanted to be or if I even wanted to be at all. Drinking too much, sleeping all day, and avoiding workouts were just some of the ways I tried to fill the void.

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