Page 107 of Tempt

It feels as if my life isn’t really my life. The joy I felt recently seems like a distant memory.

“You’re in love with her. It’s why you’re acting insane.”

Sawyer’s words are matter-of-fact.

I yank out two beers.

Though now that I’m here, I don’t know why because I have to drive and there’s no way I’m drinking the second one.

“I’ve known you since we were kids. You always had your head on straight. You were the reasonable one, I was the reckless one. You colored in the lines, I ripped up the paper. But Kat doesn’t play by your rules.”

“They’re not rules,” I insist. “It’s not unreasonable to expect a person to do their job.”

“No one’s perfect, Daniel, not even you.”

Obviously, I’m not perfect. Far from it.

I can’t get my kid ready for school.

I can’t love someone without it hurting.

I can’t fix the fucking flag on the mother fucking mailbox.

“I was counting on her.”

“To be what? Your nanny or your girlfriend? She can’t be both, especially when it’s convenient for you.”

My chest tightens.

“I’m angry with myself. I left the person I love the most in her care. She called his grandparents. You know what our relationship is like.”

“She was scared for him. You would’ve rather your son not get medical care he needed?”

“Of course not.”

Yeah, what happened with Andy was a shock. And I felt guilty for leaving him, which wasn’t her fault at all.

But more than that, I’m afraid. I’ve controlled my life as much as I can these past few years. It’s far from perfect but it’s more stable than it has been.

She changed everything.

Her easy smile. The way she teases me. How much she cares about Andy.

My life has gotten better, but I’m realizing how precarious it all is.

“You can pretend to live your safe life and have your house tidy and bubble wrap your kid, or you live life knowing there are no guarantees. Loving someone isn’t supposed to make life less risky. It’s supposed to make it worth the risk.”

“Or you can recognize that relationships are doomed to fail,” Zander calls from the door.

“Nihilist,” Sawyer says.

“Realist,” Zander corrects.

“I’m supposed to take advice from a man whose office looks like a tornado has come and gone?”

“There is zero evidence that tidiness correlates with genius.”

“So you’re a genius now.”

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