His arms tightened around her in a punishing grip. “You gave yourself to me last night. You said you were mine, and that means I will protect you above all others. And yet, you seem insistent on risking yourself at every opportunity as though you have no care or regard for your own life!”
“Just because I’m willing to do whatever it takes doesn’t mean I’m risking my life!” She tried to twist in his arms, mostly because she wanted to slap him, but he didn’t let her move.
“You don’t care if you’re alive or dead,” he argued, his voice low and deep in her ear. Forcing her to hear the words that she knew were true, but they still hurt all the same. “You think it’s easier if no one cares about you, no one knows where you disappear, and no one even notices if you get home? You’re hiding, Varya. You’ve been hiding yourself for years. What I cannot understand is why you are so afraid of leaving someone behind!”
This man! How dare he? How dare he strip her bare, all the way down to her rotten core, when he himself was part of the problem? “Because I was left behind!” she snarled. “I know what it feels like to have the person you love die. I know what it is to see friends and family leave you and then never come back. I will not do that to anyone else!”
The beast between her legs slowed, somehow reacting to an order that Greed had given it without using the reins. The much easier glide made the wind die down in her ears, and the sudden echo of her own shouting made acid rise into the back of her mouth.
She’d said too much. As she always did when she was angry. She hadn’t wanted to tell him about any of that, because she didn’t speak of it. No one needed to carry the burden of her loss or the memories of what it had felt like to be a starving little girl on the streets, hoping that someone would notice her when no one had noticed the bloated body of her parents that had withered as the desert took its price.
Greed tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his hand shaking and delicate. “Varya—”
“Don’t,” she hissed. “I’m not asking for your pity. I don’t want it. My story is the same as hundreds of others throughout this kingdom. I am not special or unusual. I’m the only one with the skills to get the jobs done. And I do them well. It is all I have, Greed, and I will not give it up for a selfish asshole who only sees me as a sleeve for his cock.”
He stiffened behind her, every muscle in his body locking at her words. “Is that what you think I see in you?”
“I don’t need to see anything, Greed. You don’t see beyond yourself.” Why were tears burning in her eyes? Damn it, she was an idiot. She’d seen this coming. She had known what she was getting into. Dashing the tears that rolled down her cheeks away, she shook her head. “This argument is ridiculous. Both of us know who we are. We knew this wasn’t...”
He waited for her to finish, but she didn’t think she could. Varya stared up at the cloudless sky and silently begged the gods to strike her with lightning, so she didn’t have to have this conversation.
Greed slid his finger underneath her chin, forcing her head to turn so she looked at him. She looked at that ash streaked face, those eyes brimming with pain that she had caused, and it broke her heart.
“We knew this wasn’t what, Varya?” he quietly asked.
She shrugged, helplessly watching as reality crumbled over his features. “I’m always going to be the woman who doesn’t want to tie herself to anyone. And you’re always going to be a selfish monster. That either of us forgot it for even a moment was foolhardy. This can and will only end in pain.”
“You don’t believe that,” he replied, shaking his head and frowning. “You gave yourself to me. Every inch of you responded to me, Varya, and I am as much part of you as you are now part of me.”
She took a deep breath, steadying herself. This was the right decision. She was doing the right thing, even if it hurt. “It was a fun idea, Greed. We both had our fun for a little while, but that is all that it can be. Fun.”
“No,” he snarled. “You bound yourself to me.”
“I did.” She nodded, and her hands shook a little. “But that was before I was reminded of the terrible things you can do. The terrible things that you justify with pretty words that don’t match your actions. You will always make the right choice for you, Greed. And I will always make the right choice for them.”
Her words distracted him too much to see what came next. Varya hooked her leg over his and twisted. Her hands were on the reins already, but he hadn’t seen her move as she’d kept his attention. In one swift movement, she’d unseated him.
It was all too easy to snap the reins and force the beast into movement. She had the fear that perhaps the leathery monster wouldn’t listen to her. Or that it would buck her off the moment its master hit the sands. But for once in her life, luck was on her side. Or perhaps the creature was just as disappointed in Greed as she was.
They tore off into the desert. She guided it toward Altan’s house where she could get her emergency change of clothes and the map that would help her heal her people. Another treasure. Another life risking adventure.
Tears streaked down her cheeks, probably leaving clean tracks in their wake. Because he was right. She was running headlong toward another injury, or perhaps this time her death, because this was how she coped. This was how she fixed herself.
Proving her worth but letting no one close enough to care if she died. Why did he have to lay it all out for her to see so clearly?
The bastard. He’d wriggled his way into her heart and she hated that now she was afraid to die because she didn’t want to leave him alone.
ChapterThirty
Greed sat astride Ivo’s nuckelavee, glaring at the sands like they were the problem. He certainly wasn’t. After all that had happened, he thought he deserved a little time to not believe he was the asshole who had not only ruined this kingdom but also his chance with the most beautiful woman in all the seven realms.
Which was why he was out here. Hunting. Doing everything he could to find the bastards who had attacked the Festival of Lights. The Horde would answer for what they had done, and they would answer in blood.
He knew the desert wanted to feed. The sands underneath his feet already screamed for more blood that would sink deep into the beating heart of this kingdom, igniting it once again. But he also knew therein lay the problem. If he wasn’t careful, this kingdom would return to its more... lively habits. He could not, and would not, allow it to return to that state.
No matter how much he wanted revenge. The Horde had taken from him. They’d ruined a night that should have remained precious for the rest of their days. Even the thought of things she’d done, the words she’d whispered, how sweetly she’d bent over his arm and begged for more, even though her thighs were already shaking?
Ach, she’d been perfect. And then he’d had to let her go.