Page 56 of There is No Devil

Mara sips her drink, her throat clenching convulsively.

She knows better than to ask me to promise.

* * *

9

Mara

After our drink together, Cole and I briefly part ways so he can deliver his submission to the sculpture committee.

This is one of our first moments apart since I moved in with him. I know he’s only allowing it because I’m holed up safely in the studio, with Janice on guard downstairs and security cameras everywhere.

I can never tell how much of his possessiveness is because of Shaw and how much is his own obsession.

Whatever the reason, it’s not a one-way street.

I’m also becoming unhealthily attached to Cole.

When he’s close by, I feel invincible. I can turn to him for help or advice. I’m completely safe for the first time in my life. No one would dare fuck with me, or even shoot a dirty look in my direction, under Cole’s terrifying stare.

Even though we’re so different from each other, I’m deeply comfortable in his company. His absence feels like a piece of me torn away. I want it reattached as soon as possible.

The minutes tick by slowly.

I work on my painting for a while, but I feel dull and listless. I keep staring at the robin’s breast, now just the right shade of dusty orange.

I like that Cole put his mark on my work in a small, subtle way.

It makes me love this painting all the more.

My work was never self-referential. I kept my memories stuffed down inside me. I didn’t mine them for material—I couldn’t look at them at all.

It was Cole who picked at the lock, finally forcing me to crack it open.

Like Pandora’s box, all the evil and ugliness came pouring out.

I thought it would kill me.

Instead, I pulled a splinter from my chest and a whole goddamn stake came out. I’m bleeding, but maybe now I’ll finally heal.

Painting these scenes doesn’t depress me. It feels like catharsis, like therapy. Once I have it down on canvas, the memory lives outside of me. Where I can view it when I want, but it no longer festers, poisoning me from the inside.

The paintings are so much better than anything I made before. They’re dark and compelling. They pull you in. You stare and stare, a kaleidoscope of emotions turning before your eyes. Each angle a new image.

I’m proud of them.

I’m proud of myself.

I never would have gotten here without Cole. Not to the studio, the shows, or even the point of putting brush to canvas with this fount of inspiration surging through me.

Cole says that I light him up, that I fill him with energy.

Well, the same is true for me.

His dark power surges through me: strong, persuasive, compelling. You can’t deny Cole what he wants. And you can’t deny me, either. Not anymore.

My phone buzzes in the pocket of my overalls.

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