Page 120 of There Are No Saints

SMACK!

SMACK!

Between spankings, Cole leans over and murmurs in my ear, “It’s okay to enjoy it. I know you don’t want to. I know it embarrasses you. But you need it. You’ve got all that guilt and shame built up inside of you . . . this is the only release. Because you know that after you get spanked, you’re not in trouble anymore. You can be forgiven. You’re a good girl.”

The words drift in and out of my ears, over the pounding beat of the music. I don’t know if Cole is actually speaking, or if it’s my own thoughts echoing in my head.

I want this.

I need it.

It’s the only way.

SMACK!

SMACK!

SMACK!

Already I’m anticipating the intense tearing, filling sensation of his cock. He slides it back in my ass and I groan not with pain, but with relief. With gratitude.

He fucks my ass slow and steady to the beat of the song.

I’m gonna run run away, run run away

Run away, run away and never come back . . .

I don’t know if I’m crying or moaning. Begging out loud or only in my head.

I don’t know how many times we’ve done this.

The song repeats over and over, and the cycle does too. He massages me, spanks me, fucks me, makes me cum. Massages me, spanks me, fucks me, makes me cum.

I have no sense of time. No idea how long we’ve been doing this. It could be hours or days.

I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want to be anywhere but here.

I’ve been drawn to Cole since the very beginning. My body always wanted him. It was only my mind that was afraid.

Cole growls in my ear, “Here’s what you need to understand Mara: it’s okay for bad things to feel good. You can take pleasure from whatever you want.”

I’m drugged with pleasure, drugged with pain. Drugged by the music. Time has no meaning. The only thing that feels real is Cole’s voice in my brain:

“These ideas of right and wrong, good and evil . . . who taught them to you? Your mother? She’s the worst person you know. Was it the priest at church? Your boss at work? Who decided these things?”

SMACK!

SMACK!

SMACK!

“It’s up to you what’s good and what’s bad. There is no god outside you. Youaregod. This is your world, your life. YOU decide what to feel.”

I’m floating through the air, weightless, rotating in space. I realize he’s untied me. Released me from the manacles.

But I don’t want to stop. I’m not finished yet.

Cole lays down on the table, his cock jutting up like mast, still rock hard, still ready for me.

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