Page 23 of Payne's Envy

There were so many times I wanted to tell Joy the truth and ask her to wait until I learned more about myself. But I knew Joy. She’d never understand or care about her wellbeing. If I admitted my feelings, the very ones she forgot about from the last time I confessed to her, she’d never stop until our lips met. She’d never stop until her hands were in mine. She’d never stop—

Why did I have to stop her?

“You’re wrong, Joy. So wrong that it hurts.”That I can’t correct you yet.

“No! For the first time, I know I’m right, and yes, it hurts.” She started to walk away. “You know, it’s not just my fault. You never said to stop. Most of the time, you remained quiet or walked away.”

Because I craved your attention. I fucking loved it.But ran from it.

“You should have shouted, cursed at me.”

My fingers itched to reach out to her. Instead, I said, “You never bothered me.”

She faded.

With her departure, the walls closed in and every whisper or conversation in the castle flooded my ears.

“The gloves won’t hide it forever,” Melanie said from somewhere. “Our children need to know.”

“It’s not the time,” Grim replied.

“Kitty will be in danger—"

Sniffles from a different room lifted my head. I looked toward the left side of the ceiling. Joy cried. I slapped my palm over my portal chip inside my pants pocket. Instinct demanded I soothe my mate. I took a step back as my heartbeat rang in my ears. I was Joy’s sorrow, and as much as I wished upon thousands of nights within the Underworld to be her lover, I wasn’t. Why did I keep calling her mine when I couldn’t tell her she was? No matter where her marked mate was, it didn’t change my determination to be with her one day.

Things changed inside me. Maybe I needed to stop looking for the answers.

Maybe…Maybe, the solutions were for me to discover alone.

The answer was within me.

Chapter Twelve

Joy

Sleep never came. The heat lived inside me, even through heartbreak, which left me tossing and turning in bed. My arousal drove me to masturbate for a bit. All the while, I dwelled on a man that would never love me the way I did him.

Ignoring the sting inside my chest, I called Derrick and started my Reaper work earlier than normal. My reality, an immortal stuck with a babysitter to go out and save the world, left me a little bitter. But Dad was a worrywart. I’d respect his wishes. I wasn’t as strong as my siblings, and they have coddled me almost as bad as they have Kitty because of it. If peace could be solved by a hug instead of my blades, then I would gladly squeeze every villain with my love. I didn’t think that made me weak. Besides, I had so much to give and no one to give it to.

At least I had been a lover.

Blood squirted into my eye as I rammed my thumbs into a bird demon’s eye. I. Don’t. Even. Flinch. The squishy gushing sounds of the eye bursting, the male’s screams, and the flap of his wings as he tried to take flight made my lips curl upward.

A fresh burst of adrenaline peaked above the heat torturing me. And it felt good not to have desire driving me mad for a strange man in my dreams and the one I loved. So, I embraced that sickness festering within me. I fed it so it’d dampen the torturous need.

Yanking my thumbs out of the demon’s eye sockets, I shoved him, and materialized my blade—a thin sword with a lime green blade, the very color of my essence and curse. The blade was forged by my power the day I became a Reaper. I slashed the bird’s neck as he tried to take flight. The blood squirting in different directions mesmerized me. Then his companions squawked. Their deafening despair quickly turned to a roar of rage.

One by one, they dove toward me. My skin pebbled as the anticipation grew.

A wave of black magic slashed through them, knocking them out of the sky. I whipped my head to the right, where Derrick stood a few feet away. The warlock proxy raised his hands. “Oh, was I not supposed to intervene?”

“I have it under control,” I snapped. “Butt out.”

“You have the most interesting attitude out of all your sisters,” Derrick said as the demons ascended to the sky once more. “I find your hot and cold attitude intriguing. It’s exhausting, but endearing.”

Hot and cold?I glimpsed at the blood beneath my fingernails and coating my fingers. I had no clue what became of me. There was no time to ponder more. Four birds swooped down.

“Have at it then, hot-cold.” Derrick stepped aside.

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