Page 69 of She will Always be Mine

“I-I’m s-sorry, Mom,” I whisper, and I shift closer to take her hand. But the second I touch her, she trembles and pulls away, as if she’s stuck in that moment again. I feel wetness on my wrist and I realize I’m crying. It only makes my tears fall harder as I feel a squeezing pain in my chest. “It’s just me.”

Her eyes meet mine and slowly, they recognize me and she gives a sad smile. It breaks my heart even more as I watch her be strong for me.

“Did you tell Grandpa?” I ask. “I hope he got him punished.”

A dry chuckle escapes her lips as she confesses, pulling the rug out from beneath me. “He… he didn’t believe me and neither did my mother.”

Horror etches on my face as I stare at her, dumbfounded. I swallow the bile rising in my throat from the shock. “How could they not believe you? Are you saying he never paid for his crimes?”

“Like I said, he was family and he had everyone fooled with his charm and well-respected reputation in the society. Nobody ever paid attention to the monster lurking beneath. I think my parents believed me,” she replies in a flat tone. “They didn’t just want to face the truth and fight against him. They told me to never speak of it again and to stay away from him, like I was ever going to willingly go anywhere near him again. Their reaction broke me in ways that my attacker never could and our relationship was never the same.”

“I can’t believe this,” I mutter to myself.

“It’s not that uncommon in families to push these kinds of incidents under the rug and continue living like nothing ever happened. It’s a sad reality, one I never dreamed I’ll ever face. After that, I couldn’t stay in the city so I came back home, tried to be strong for some time, compartmentalizing the memory, but it was the wrong coping mechanism. Eventually, it all became too much and I began having nightmares more frequently, getting spooked at the smallest touches, panic attacks, and my mental health took a hit.”

“What did you do?”

“Therapy was already a taboo subject in our family, so I knew there was no point in telling or discussing that with your grandparents. Besides, according to them, nothing bad occurred to their daughter. So, I found a doctor on my own and he recommended me some exercises to cope with my symptoms better and it took a while until it began to help me. I started to feel like my old self again and I was better until I crossed paths with him again.”

I become numb from dread as I listen to her and watch her face pale.

He hurt her this time, my mind whispers. But I hold hope to be proven wrong.

“We were at a family function so I knew he’d be there, but I thought I’ll be safe since I won’t be alone, but I was proved wrong. He was smug from getting away with it the last time and managed to corner and catch me unguarded.” The tremor in her voice matches my own as she continues, “He tried to touch me again but he was stronger and smarter so he predicted my moves easily. But what he didn’t know was that I also took self-defense classes and just when he thought he won, I stabbed him with a small knife I kept with me just in case. Instead of running away, I stood over him because in that moment, I realized no one was going to save me from him and only I could do it. So while he wailed on the floor clutching his wound, I cut him again and threatened to ruin his life if ever came after me again. When I saw the fear in his eyes, I knew I’d had won against my monster.”

“Why didn’t you go to the police?”

“I know I should’ve so he couldn’t hurt anybody else, but I just wanted to forget and move on. I was young with nobody to rely on and I didn’t want to get sucked into fighting a losing battle and damaging my mental health more than it already was. I had no evidence against him and he could’ve easily twisted the truth by calling me a liar and saying I stabbed him.” She pushes a tear away as it falls down her cheek and whispers, “I was weak and I wanted to just forget.”

“Did you forget?”

“No,” she softy replies. “But unlike those years ago, I have your father who’s my rock and chases away my demons. His love is all the remedy I need.”

“Who was he, Ma?” I dare to ask. “Does Dad know?”

A frightened look crosses her eyes which she tries to hide but it’s too late. I hope she cut ties with him and never had to run into him again. Men like him hardly ever change.

“No and you don’t need to know either. All that matters is that he will never harm me again,” she says firmly. “Besides, he has his own family now. Wife and kids.”

That’s even more fucked up. Predators like him, who escape unscathed and are never held accountable, shouldn’t be allowed to live normal lives. It’s unfair and cruel. Does his family even know the truth about him? I bet they don’t. I wish someday he receives the punishment he deserves.

Shifting closer, I take my mom’s shaking hands and reassure her by keeping my voice soft yet firm.

“You’re not weak, Ma. The fact that you defended yourself, became stronger, and made a life for yourself, it all proves just how much of a fighter you truly are. You did what you had to survive and nobody can say otherwise,” I repeat confidently, and then I apologize, “I’m so sorry I unintentionally brought up all the bad memories for you and put you through hell.”

“Aww, baby.” She pulls me into her arms as I sob. “It’s not your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself.”

“If you hadn’t seen me with Riaan, none of this would have happened.”

“Look at me.” She tilts my face toward her and speaks, “My past is something I struggle with when the memories become too much but none of it was triggered by you, okay? When I caught you with Riaan and saw the tears on your face, him holding you tight, I immediately thought he was forcing himself on you and hurting you. I was scared that I might have been too late to save you. Even though my fears were false, he’s still the wrong man for you, Nyra. He can only ever be your cousin.”

“I understand but I can’t turn off my feelings for him like a switch, Ma. I know you don’t want to hear this but Riaan’s my first love. My only love. My soul mate.” I blink back the unshed tears as they burn the corners of my eyes when I whisper, “And if I can’t be with him, I’ll never be with another man.”

“Honey—”

“No.” I shake my head. “I’ll respect your wishes but you also have to respect mine.”

We stare at each other and I don’t waver under the pleading and depressing look in her eyes. She must see the determination set in mine because she sighs and cups my face in her palm while nodding.

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