Page 66 of She will Always be Mine

Dad senses the change in my mood and the energy in the room shifts from lighthearted to tensed and then suffocating. He steps farther inside my room and sits down on my bed across from me. He’s still staring lovingly at me. But now, worry has made its way on his face as well.

“I’m concerned about you, Nyra.” He finally addresses the elephant in the room. Ever since that night I eavesdropped on his conversation with my mother, I’ve been waiting for a moment to be alone with him. “You barely talk and are always hiding inside your room, especially this past week. It’s making me seriously worried. Talk to me about what’s bothering you, sweetie.”

I open my mouth to deny his well-meaning accusations, but words get stuck in my throat, heavy with emotions that I don’t want to name.

I look away from him, unable to handle his stare.

Tears don’t come anymore. It’s like I have lost the capacity to feel pain and shut all my feelings down.

Because if I won’t feel, none of it can touch me. Hurt me.Kill me.

“You said you were homesick, yet I haven’t once seen you happy ever since you’ve been back. At least you were pretending in the beginning and now you’ve just stopped caring altogether. Say something, Nyra,” he demands softly, as if dealing with a trapped bird in a cage.

What do I even say to him? That no matter what I do, I’m still losing everyone I love. That I’m imprisoned inside my own house. Unless he knows the complete truth, it’s all just a farce, worthless and unhelpful.

Maybe it would’ve been easier if Mom had just told him the truth. Then he could ignore me, too, and we won’t need to have this awkward conversation.

“I’m fine, Dad.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he scolds. “What happened in Pune?”

I clench my fists in my lap and inhale a deep breath. “Nothing.”

“Then why does your mom say otherwise?” I finally meet his shrewd gaze. “I gave you your space thinking you’re going through some teenage issues but the way you’ve been acting lately, I know it’s something far more serious. I just can’t sit by and watch you destroy yourself.”

If only he knew how far I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.

“I made a mistake.” My voice comes out flat, small, and I see him go still, his mind on high alert. “And there’s no fixing it, Dad. If you knew, you’d never forgive me, and I can’t bear the thought of disappointing you.”

It’s like I’ve opened the tightly leashed door and words just spill out of my mouth, unstoppable and guilt-ridden.

“Is that the real reason she brought you home?”

“Mostly, yeah.”

“Look at me,beta.”

When I do, he beckons to come sit beside him. Gingerly standing up from my chair, I walk toward him and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, nestling me to his side. His closeness and warmth seeps into me and for the first time in over a month, I feel protected and cherished.

“Maybe I haven’t said it enough, but I love you more than life itself, Nyra. You can make a thousand mistakes and my feelings still wouldn’t waver. Each day, I’m proud of the woman you’re growing into and if somehow your fear of disappointing me is dulling your spark, I won’t have it.”

“Aren’t you curious to know what I did?”

“I trust you to tell me yourself when you’re ready,” he promises. “Nobody is perfect,beta. It’s the imperfections that makes us who we are.”

“What if it’s a mistake I don’t regret and I’m willing to make it again? That it’s only a fault in others’ eyes. Will you still love me?”

I hold my breath while I wait for his answer.

It has the power to either make or break everything.

“My love for you is unconditional and it will always be that way.” He takes my hand in his lap and squeezes. “I’ll always be by your side.”

Despite his promise, there’s still a small fear inside my heart and only time will tell if it’ll ever go away or not. Besides, as long as I stay away from Riaan, I may not even need to find out.

“Though that’s not all I came to talk to you about.”

“What else did you want to talk about?” I ask curiously.

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