Page 5 of She will Always be Mine

“You are never seeing him again, Nyra. Distance is what you need to understand it’s not love but toxic infatuation you hold for him,” she says as she glares at me, but I see the moisture in her eyes. The sadness and the pain she’s trying to hide behind her anger. “He’ll never be yours.”

Her words hit me hard.

They rip my heart out, letting it bleed on the floor.

As the last tear dries on my cheek, I smile sadly and murmur.

“He never was.”

Chapter Two

NYRA

Mornings are supposed to be a fresh start.

A new beginning.

A ray of hope.

Yet it’s the last thing I’m feeling as I gaze at the morning sky through the window in my room.

Usually, my mind is all fuzzy and relaxed as I come to my senses and slowly become aware of my surroundings. Those few seconds when you are unaware are like a small reprieve from the chaos and mess in our lives until it all comes flooding back.

Today of all days, I needed those seconds so fucking badly to forget about last night. But my mind wouldn’t even allow me that. Sleeping was out of the question as I kept tossing and turning the whole night.

Every time I closed my eyes, flashes of Riaan’s eyes or my mom’s horrified face would haunt me. So, I spent the whole night wide awake while staring at the ceiling as silent tears spilled down my cheeks and soaked the pillow underneath.

I realized the weight of my actions and its consequences yesterday when my mom slept with me in the same room so she could keep an eye on me, proving without words that I have lost her trust completely.

If she wasn’t so hell-bent on keeping the secret from everyone else, she would have taken me home last night. I could see it in her eyes, but the fight to keep the pretense that nothing was wrong won.

Just until a week ago, my mornings were the best part of my day because as soon as I woke up, a sweet text from Riaan would be waiting for me.

If we spent the night at his apartment, then his chiseled face would be the first thing I saw. Sometimes, he would just be lying next to me and other times, he would be staring into my eyes hungrily from between my thighs right before he would eat me for breakfast.

My body has become so attuned to his that even now, my arm is stretched to my right, hoping to feel him, only to find the bed empty.

Like someone carved out a piece of me.

Stole my air that I needed to last.

Breathing yet dying inside.

I’m heartbroken all over again, knowing he’s in the same house yet miles away. Despite the fact it’s my aunt’s home, he never missed a chance to sneak into my bed to touch me, hold me and kiss me.

Does this mean he’s let me go? Isn’t that what I wanted when I broke things off with him last night?

I’m the only one to blame because if I hadn’t uttered those cruel words, not even my mom knowing the truth could have stopped him from being by my side right now. I should be glad that my plan worked.

Then why do I feel the need to throw up?

Then there’s a small part of me that just wants to say fuck it and run back into his arms and confess everything that I’m burying inside to him. But my heart that wants to protect him, is stopping me from doing exactly that.

I cannot cave in now. Besides, the damage is already done. I can still feel the burn of his touch as he roughly pushed me away when I said I wish I didn’t love him.

My entire body is so heavy and numb as I gather the courage to get out of bed ever so gingerly and embrace the challenging day ahead of me. I cannot believe that in few short hours, I’ll be far away from here. From Riaan.

I stare at the door longingly while I’m alone in my room, hoping he’ll enter, even if it’s to lash out at me. I’ll happily take anything he gives me as long as he’s close. I just want to see him one last time before I leave.

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