Page 52 of She will Always be Mine

“The older I get, the more I realize the world is too fucking complicated,” I confess. “Too many rules and so judgmental.”

“You’ve always known it.” Leaning forward, she looks me in the eye, and asks, “Why is it suddenly bothering you now? Perhaps it’s because of a woman?”

I raise one eyebrow while keeping my face impassive and ask, “What makes you think it’s about a woman?”

“You forget that I’m your mother. We have a sense for these things, no matter how much the kids think they are fooling us.”

The understanding I see shining in her soft gaze, says it all. My mind screams at the fact that she knows about Nyra, but neither of us say it out loud.

Maybe Nyra and I didn’t fool her, after all, but I still can’t take the risk of confessing everything.

“Is that so?” I challenge, and she grins softly.

“Men only care about the world when it’s standing in the way of something they want,” she explains, then points out, “and it certainly hasn’t stopped you before.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve always been a rebel, Riaan,” she replies, a faraway look crossing her eyes. “Even as a kid, you were always breaking rules, wreaking havoc, and no matter how much I scolded or punished you, it didn’t slow you down. Until one day, I sat back and saw that it made you headstrong, smarter, and not afraid to go after whatever your heart desired. So don’t stop now,beta.”

“Even at the cost of breaking your heart?” She stills under the weight of my stare. “Or going against my family? Would you still want me to rebel?”

“If it’s forsomeoneyou truly love, then yes. Because in the end, it’s your happiness that matters the most to me, and that’s one thing a mother would never punish her son for nor stand in the way of.”

Maybe she should tell that to my aunt.

As much as I appreciate her saying it as if she knows I need to hear it more than anything, I still can’t find it in me to believe her. I know deep in her heart, she just wants to help but I can’t let her. It’s not as uncomplicated as she’s making it out to be.

Still, her eyes plead with mine to pour my heart out to her, confess I desire Nyra in a way no cousin ever should, yet something makes me hold back. Hurt flashes on her face when I utter what she doesn’t want to hear.

“Don’t be so sure, Ma.” I give a sad smile and warn, “I would hate for you to take those words back.”

Her eyes turns sad and her head tilts as she stares at me like I’m being stubborn. Standing up, she comes closer to me and runs her fingers through my hair while smiling down at me.

“Have a little faith in me, Riaan.”

I wish I could, but only I know that my love is too dark.

It’s too depraved for anybody to accept, least of all her.

Chapter Eighteen

NYRA

Violated. Exposed.Dirty.

The last three words that any woman should ever feel.

That can break even the strongest of us. Especially when it feels like the whole world is standing against them, and left all alone… like me.

The more I let those words—feelings—sink inside my head, the more they make me want to crawl out of my own skin.

They keep repeating in my head, making me want to pull at my hair or scream until I shut them down. But like a poisonous parasite, they are stuck in my head and eating me inside out.

And it’s all because of the unwanted and degrading string of texts I received from none other than my tormentor. After being silent for days, fooling me into safety, he finally spoke.

UNKNOWN:I’ve been thinking… what is so special about you that made your own cousin lust after you? He could have any other woman he wanted. Yet… he chose you.

UNKNOWN:Maybe I should have a taste too.

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