Page 46 of She will Always be Mine

She mumbles something, but her words come out unintelligible and jumbled. The way she’s twisting her legs and her arms are glued to the mattress, it’s like some invisible weight is holding her down and she’s helplessly trying to get away.

“Mom,” I call out softly, wishing Dad was here. He’s the only one who knows how to help her when she’s haunted and trapped in her nightmares.

“Mom,” I say a little louder this time, but it has no effect on her whatsoever.

I lower myself to my knees near the bed and lean forward while cautiously lifting my hand to hold her arm. As soon as my fingers connect with her skin, she goes still, her breathing calming down, and I relax but in a split second, she begins thrashing again, even harder than last time. It startles me and I jump back.

“Ma!!!” I scream, my own breathing matching hers.

I watch as wrinkles form at the corners of her eyes as if she heard me, my voice somehow penetrating through the fog of her nightmare. Her fingers let go of the sheet underneath her, her body relaxing even though she’s still deep in sleep. I don’t move, my attention is laser-focused on her as I wait for two to three minutes before pulling myself off the floor and pushing my lose hair away from my face.

I step closer to her prone form and stare, observing how broken and sad she looks from whatever or whomever is torturing her psyche. I’m upset that they still have their hold on her, and I blame myself for unintentionally bringing those memories back to her.

Things are seemingly worse than I could have imagined and I’m still fucking clueless.

Her hair sticks to her sweat-dampened forehead, so I tuck them behind her ear carefully without disturbing her. After covering her body with the comforter that’s tangled around her legs, I slowly back away.

“Stop,” I hear Mom cry out from behind me. “Please.”

I turn around, expecting her to be wide awake and talking to me, but her eyes are still shut. I walk closer in time to see a lone tear slip down her cheek and her body now twisted into a fetal position.

Something shatters inside me because it’s not me she’s whispering to but someone else. I realize she’s still dreaming, still stuck in the past. This feels even worse than finding her thrashing and fighting.

So much more painful.

So haunting.

When she says nothing more, I walk out of the room while closing the door behind me and only then, I let my own tears fall down my cheeks.

Just how long has she been hurting like this and hiding it from me? Was I so self-centered that I never noticed the pain she’s enduring? I’ve only seen the surface. What if the whole truth is so much worse?

I now understand how Dad must feel every time he has to take care of her.

Maybe this is the real reason why she’s been avoiding me ever since we came home. While I’ve been drowning in my own guilt, I forgot that I should’ve been the one to talk to her even if she chose to be angry with me.

I told myself I would earn her trust back but I never made any effort. And it ends today.

If she wants to keep her past hidden, then I’ll respect her wishes. I’ll do anything and sacrifice everything for her if it helps her get better.

The ringing of my phone cuts through my thoughts and I make my way over to the sofa where I left it to check who’s calling me. If it’s Riaan, then no way I’m picking it up, especially with Mom so close. Bending at the waist, I grab it, and instantly a genuine smile tilts my lips when I read Monica’s name.

Talking to her is just the therapy I need.

“Monica!” I shriek before she even utters hello.

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaims in her sweet, familiar voice. “Am I hallucinating or did you actually answer your phone?”

I laugh at her dramatics, despite feeling a little bit of guilt for not calling her sooner, before replying warmly, “I promise it’s not a dream, and I’m really sorry I haven’t been in touch lately. I feel bad already.”

“All I want to know is if you’re okay, Nyra. I became so worried when you didn’t show up after the weekend and your phone went straight to voicemail, only to find out later from the warden that you had gone home.”

“I know, babe. My mom came to Pune to surprise me and then we left in such a hurry that I never got the chance to tell you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replies. “If it brings your sexy-as-sin cousin Riaan to my door, then I don’t mind it at all.”

Red-hot jealousy and possessiveness rushed through me at her teasing words while she swoons over him.

Irrational anger stabs me as the fact that she saw him while I haven’t sinks in, and I hate my situation even more because I can’t tell her that he’s mine. But somehow, I calm myself down and try to switch the subject.

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