Page 40 of She will Always be Mine

What happened to you, Ma?What are you both hiding?

This is such big news, one they shouldn’t have kept hidden from Priyanka or me. Our mom is hurting and battling something, and we had no fucking clue.

It devastates me for not being there for her all this time. Has she been pretending to be happy all this time?

I stay hidden behind the wall after I take a peek and see that the door to their room is ajar, the light streaming into the hallway. When my mom speaks again, her voice is softer and calmer.

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” she reassures him. “I haven’t needed them in so long and I don’t want to go back to them again.”

“That’s what you said last time and I nearly lost you.” His voice breaks and tears spring in my eyes as I hear the pain and dread behind his words.

With each shocking revelation, I’m beginning to understand Mom’s behavior ever since we came back from Pune. For some twisted reason, she’s projecting her fears on me but I won’t know the full extent until I know the whole truth.

I also can’t imagine her sharing it with me willingly or if at all. Because there’s no denying her past is somehow connected to my present.

A second later, I hear someone pacing inside the bedroom and I’m guessing it’s Dad. He can be very intuitive when he wants to be, which is why I’m a little tense. I just know he won’t let this go until he gets to the bottom of it. It’s obvious Mom was fine until our return back home.

In the next breath, my worst fear comes true.

“Something must have happened to trigger you. What aren’t you telling me, Sara?”

I have read enough to know that triggers are usually linked to a traumatic experience. If what my dad is saying is true, then maybe I have unknowingly triggered her.

Maybe the shock of seeing me with Riaan brought out her own horrific memories that she kept buried inside. If that’s true, does it mean she’s been through something similar like me?

Oh God! I hope not. Please let me be wrong.

“Nothing happened, honey. I’ve just been stressed lately.”

He ignores her lies and suspiciously asks, “Does it have anything to do with Nyra. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you are cold to her when you assume I’m not looking. Is that why you ran to Pune and now you won’t let her go back?”

My breathing turns shallow and my hands tremble as sweat dots my forehead. Mom is going to tell him everything, I can feel it, and then my dad will never speak to me again.

After all, it’s my fault she’s sick again and needs her medicine. If I hadn’t cried over the phone, then she wouldn’t have come to Pune and none of this would have happened.

“Did something happen to her?” he shouts, losing his composure. “Did someone hurt Nyra? Tell me, Sara, or I swear I will fly back there and find out myself.”

“Calm down, Jay. You’ll wake the kids.” She tries to soothe him while I remain hidden in the shadows, the walls closing in on me. “Nyra is fine. Like I said, she felt homesick and nothing more.”

“Then why the cold shoulder, Sara? I haven’t even seen you hug her at least once, let alone smile at her. I see the pain in both of your eyes. You’re angry at her for some reason and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”

Every time I believe I have survived the worst, something else always tries to rip me into pieces. Just as I find the strength to fix one mess, another is waiting for me, shattering all my defenses.

Home was supposed to help me heal and become stronger. But instead, it’s doing the exact opposite. I’m drowning. Dying. At least Mom has Dad, but I have nobody.

Even if I confess everything to Riaan, he can’t help me when it comes to my parents.

The sad truth is I’m all alone.

I’m my own savior.

“Y-You’re imagining all this, Jay. I could never be upset with her.”

“You’re a bad liar, Sara. You’re punishing her for some reason,” accuses Dad. “Something did happen and I know it’s hurting you both. It’s serious enough that it brought your own nightmares back. Instead of letting me help, you’re making the same mistake you made all those years ago. Just know this time, it affects your daughter, too, and not just you.”

“Jay—”

“Enough with the lies,” he cuts her off harshly. “If you won’t tell me, then I’ll talk to Nyra. You must have warned her not to say anything to me, which is why she clams up every time I bring up Pune. The second I saw you both step into the house, I knew something was wrong. I thought you both needed some time and space alone but now it’s been two miserable weeks.”

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