Page 31 of She will Always be Mine

I never understood what it meant until I fell for you.

Until you became that someone.

We are so fucking wrong for each other,

Even the world believes it,

We’re never meant to become one.

Even more wrong is … me not bothering to fight it,

And never stopped me from imagining us.

What’s the harm in wishing, dreaming… I always said,

It’s not like it was ever going to happen.

Until years later… I saw your eyes mirror the same possession and lust.

The second it became real,

Fighting you was a lost cause.

Your lips against mine, your taste running in my veins,

I finally understood…

How someone so forbidden, so depraved, could feel so right.

I read the words that I wrote over and over again, the pages now dry from my tears. If I had to put it into words, that’s how he made me feel when we were together and drowning in each other.

It’s like pouring my heart out.

The only difference is, writing it down gives the added bonus of having it for my eyes to see. Not only does writing things down feel therapeutic, it helps me deal with the emptiness I’ve been feeling lately. Writing this brought me equal parts contentment and sadness.

Being with Riaan is no less than being on a roller coaster of highs and lows.

Closing the diary, I put it back into place before I get emotional all over again.

It feels as though an eternity has passed, when in reality, it’s only been two weeks. I only have my sister, my dad when he’s home from work, and my diary to keep me from sinking into a deep, dark hole leading to insanity.

My mom hardly ever looks at me or bothers to say more than two words to me when it’s just the two of us.

Honestly, it’s heartbreaking and depressing to think I’m no closer to earning her trust or respect back.

So really, it’s been torture.

I literally have no contact to the outside world with both my phone and laptop being in my mom’s clutches and because of it, I have several things to seriously worry about.

The only upside is that my mom doesn’t have the password to go around snooping, which gives me a little peace of mind.

Just last night at dinner, we came so close to Dad figuring out something was going on behind his back when he asked me to show him pictures of my campus and my friends. However, before I could panic and blurt out something stupid, Mom distracted him.

It’s like playing a game of cat and mouse before we’re eventually caught.

I’m currently in my room figuring out a way to get my phone back before another scare like that, when the door to my bedroom opens and before me stands my mom.

My gaze runs over her stern face and then lands on her right hand, hope bubbling in my chest. I don’t dare show the satisfaction on my face when I see her holding my phone.

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