Page 104 of She will Always be Mine

NYRA

No hungry looks or filthy warnings.

No touching

Not even a kiss.

That pretty much sums up my life the past week and a half. Now, I’ve had it with Riaan. It’s just not like him.

Ever since the night I fell apart in his arms, he’s been broody and aloof, and it’s making me go insane. It’s like a switch has been flipped and now he’s treating me like I’m made of glass. It’s as if he’s afraid that if he so much as push me, I’ll shatter.

The next morning when I’d woken up, I found him dressed in the kitchen, looking like he’s on his way to leave for work. My face had been a mask of surprise, confusion, and questions.

All he did was give one soft look and a guarded smile, then asked how I was feeling before he told me to eat the breakfast he cooked and that his driver would drop me off to college.

All day, I kept rehashing our conversation and regretting it. When he’d asked me if anyone had touched me, Zain’s face flashed before my eyes and I panicked. Pair that with Riaan’s furious gaze, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I don’t even remember the words I uttered after. Then, morning came, and he’s been acting like nothing happened ever since.

I thought it would be a one-time thing where he was giving me space—I know, shocking—until I felt better. But then, one day turned into two, then three and now it’s been a whole tortuous several days.

He went from being my shadow to following me like a cloud, close yet distant.

Hell, I should be happy. I was fighting him to leave me alone. At first, I felt we were better off this way and it’d save us from the hurt. I wouldn’t be betraying my mom. I expected relief, yet it never came. Somehow, him giving me the space I needed felt more painful.

I hate his distant attitude when all I ache to feel is the high from having him surround me, tease me with his rough warnings and wandering hands that leave me breathless.

He made me feel alive and kept the monsters at bay.

The truth is, I’ve already spent most of my days feeling broken, depressed, and fragile that I didn’t want to live through it again. However, I’m starting to doubt if staying away from him is even worth it since nothing has changed. If I choose to stay with him for good, then what?

Another part of me fears that I spilled too much. I fear that he thinks I’m damaged and that’s probably the reason why he’s walking on eggshells around me. Even though it’s not what I want or need, I don’t tell him anything.

My mind and heart are at war with each other and despite the warnings, I let the latter win.

I want him to go back to the way he was before.

Domineering, possessive, and mischievous.

Even if I have to push his limits.

Because the only time I feel the old him is when he comes to bed to sleep beside me. Some nights, he works late to the point where he orders me to not wait up for him, but I always do.

The first night I pretended to be asleep when I heard him turn the lights off outside and come into the bedroom. I kept my eyes shut and breathing even—well, I tried.

I thought I had gotten away with it when he slid into bed. I secretly smiled victoriously when he spooned me from behind and whispered, “Your acting skills are terrible, baby.”

I kept quiet and shrugged until he chuckled. It’s low, throaty, and warms not only my heart, but also the space between my thighs. Then in a few seconds, I fell asleep, deep and without any nightmares.

While he hasn’t been as close as I’d like him to be, doesn’t mean he hasn’t been spending time with me and taking care of me. His intense eyes are always watching me, following me around the apartment like he wants to touch me but he’s holding himself back.

The first day he started keeping his distance, I’d gotten a call from him informing me his assistant would be coming by to meet me at the campus regarding my volunteering duties. Turns out, it isn’t as easy as I had assumed.

It’s quite time-consuming and involves lots of communication between various teams to ensure harmony.

While major arrangements are being managed and supervised by Riaan’s professional team for the final day of the festival, we volunteers are helping in the organizing of the various competitions.

Every day, I coordinated and worked with different teams such as social media and PR, technical, finance, and the most tiresome was marketing where we went to different colleges to invite them to our event. Of course, the Reet brothers’ concert was the enticing factor.

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