Page 68 of She will Always be Mine

Suddenly, his own promise springs to the surface when he told me that he’ll be by my side the moment I return. And if there is one fact I’m certain of, it’s that he never ever breaks his promise.

The emotions I had buried and lost in the ominous darkness of the last month are now slowly finding their way back one by one. Some soothing. Somehaunting.

More importantly, am I even ready to face my demons? Face Zain?

My mind screams a resounding no but my heart says yes. So much has happened in the past months that has broken me in unimaginable and irrevocable ways.

Some mornings it’s a fight to get out of bed and face another tragic and hard day, never knowing what sick demand he has for me.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I knew I’ll have to face him one day but now that it’s a possibility, I’m nervous, scared, and doubting myself. Despite also knowing this, it’s the only way to get out of his clutches and end this nightmare once and for all.

The more I circle that thought, the more I feel the fight inside me flare up.

It’s small, but it’s there.

Although my tormentor has been quiet lately. I should be glad he hasn’t asked for more revealing and dirty pictures of me as a way to degrade and ruin me for Riaan, but I know it’s only the silence before the storm. The calm before the hunt.

“Nyra.”

My mom’s apprehensive voice cuts through my subconscious and I sharply look up. I watch her take a step inside and notice the extreme nervousness on her face, even her color is slightly pale.

“Ma, are you okay?” Dad’s words echoes from our last conversation.

She pushes her hair back that spills from her bun and gives a shaky smile as she nods. Taking a deep breath, she meets my gaze and speaks, “I want to share something with you that I haven’t told anyone except your father. It will also explain a lot about my behavior in the last month.” A sad chuckle spills from her lips before she speaks, “I was hoping to avoid it, but I can’t live with you hating me forever, honey.”

My heart cracks open at the remorse and fear in her eyes, and I begin to loathe myself even more than I already do. “I could never hate you, Ma.”

“But there’s no denying I’ve hurt you by pushing you away and handling everything wrong,” she says, regret heavy in her voice. “I should’ve listened to your dad and taken my medication sooner.”

“Why do you need them in the first place?” I ask.

She shivers despite no coldness in the room and her eyes ghost for a split second before returning to me. I sit with my legs crisscrossed on the bed to make space for her when she comes closer.

While she picks invisible lint off her dress and I patiently wait, sensing it must be hard for her to share the trauma she went through. Something she kept close to her heart all these years.

The worst part is that it’s my fault because if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be reliving it again. After all, it’s my actions that brought her memories back to her present.

“I was only three years older than you are right now when I got my first job in a big new city. It was also the first time I was going to be far away from home on my own. I can never forget how proud your Nana and Nani were of me when I told them.” She’s smiling even though there are shadows in her gaze. “I still remember being so nervous and excited at the same time. My stomach was a bundle of nerves and some nights I couldn’t even sleep until the day finally came. The first few months were like a dream even while adjusting to being independent and I felt so strong and happy. Everything was perfect… Until it wasn’t.”

She stares at the wall in front of her while my attention is glued to her. The smile drops from her face and along with it, my heart as I feel the tension in her body, the soft tremble in her hands sitting on her lap.

This is a side of her I’ve never seen before and it fills me with dread because I know the other shoe is about to drop. Yet all I can do is sit and listen to the train wreck that I know is about to follow.

“I was young and a little bit naïve just like you. Always believed in the good in others, completely unaware of the danger surrounding me, lying in wait to turn my life upside down for years to come. I never even saw it coming until it was too late. The signs were there but I ignored them. All because I trusted easily. Trustedhim.”

Even before she says it, I already know the words about to spill from her mouth.

“I was sexually assaulted by a man who was supposed to be my protector.”

Time stands still as I absorb the truth, my ears ringing, and I blink, hoping I misheard her. There’s a clicking sound in my head as every little piece, every tiny detail, falls into place.

Her fear that Riaan may have done the same to me because he is my protector, too, but not in the way she wants.

If I were in her place, I probably would’ve assumed the same.

As it sinks in, I realize just how wrong and unfair I was to her the past two weeks. We both handled it terribly wrong.

“He attempted to rape me. But somehow, I found the strength to fight him and run away just in time. Yet those few minutes were enough to damage and scare me for life. He… uh, he was older, powerful, charming, and very close to our family that I never suspected he could do something like this. My parents trusted him to protect me from harm and instead, he tarnished that trust into shreds.”

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