Page 49 of She will Always be Mine

If I want the latter in my life, then I have to lose the other and vice versa.

Either way, my worst fear has come true.

I’m all alone.

Chapter Seventeen

RIAAN

Bad feelings are like cancer.

There is no cure for them. And once they make a home inside you, they’re hard to get rid of. There’s no pulling it out.

It grows and simmers and slowly eats you up from the inside. Even if one ends and provides momentary relief, another takes its place.

Unfortunately, I’ve been having a lot of bad feelings lately and it’s making me lose focus, unsettled, and my mood sour.

Usually, I would shake the feeling off and distract myself with work, gym, or a friendly basketball match with my old college friends. And for the last two days, I tried them all yet nothing worked and I know exactly why.

Nyra has ghosted me again, vanishing off the face of the earth.

I haven’t received a single word from her in the last two days.

When I first received her text after almost two weeks of silence, I felt like I could breathe again. It’s like a dying man’s thirst had finally been quenched.

It took all my control to be patient with her and not demand each and every detail of how her days were going by. I wanted to know if she was safe and not feeling lonely, like I was despite being around people all the time.

I, at least, had work to distract myself with while she was stuck inside her home, which is why I couldn’t help but send her those romance paperbacks she loves to read.

Even though I still haven’t healed from her breaking up with me, I can’t bear the thought of her being alone, sad, and depressed. No matter how angry, disappointed or hurt I may be because of her, she will always be my priority.

Besides, it can’t be easy for her at home under her mom’s watchful and distrustful eyes, with no one to talk to or someone on her side. Her little sister, Priyanka, is close to her, but she will never be able to help Nyra.

Our love is a weight only we can carry, and something only we can feel and live with.

No one but us can understand the struggle of loving someone while the world condemns and tries to rip us apart.

It’s one of the many reasons why I always want her by my side, so she never has to bear the burden alone. Ineedher close so she never has to worry.

She deserves nothing less than the world beneath her feet, worshiping and showering her with happiness. I want to give that to her even if it takes a lifetime.

To make it happen, all I have to do is wait until she’s back in my city.

And when she’s back, no one will ever take her away from me.

However, every time I decide to take things at her pace and be more patient with her, she goes and does something that demolishes all my resolve. I didn’t push her when she said she couldn’t talk to me over the phone.

It was enough for me as long as she didn’t ignore me and gave a small piece of herself. My days became easier to survive and I wasn’t that angry anymore when we started texting again.

But the way our last conversation ended abruptly, I knew something went terribly wrong. There’s no way she would willingly cut me off again. Hence, the bad feeling sitting in my gut.

I’m afraid my aunt caught her or something.

I never brushed on any topic regarding her parents, keeping it light and teasing just the way I did in the past. I could tell she’s letting down the walls around her heart.

The anxiety brought on by her silence is bringing all my failures brimming to the surface. I was losing myself in her as much as she was in me, so we didn’t have to face each of our demons. Never in my life have I felt so helpless, like I’m stuck at a fucking dead end.

Punishing Zain for his betrayal only managed to calm down my rage for a little while. It was because he was only to be blamed for putting miles between Nyra and me.

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