Page 151 of Lust

Terry is the hero in his own little story, the one where he did the right thing by his daughter, until it was his ass on the line. "You're a piece of work. You've turned everything in your head. She was never the victim, with Damien or me. Only with you. You've hurt her more than anyone else ever has."

"Until now," he says, his eyes glinting. "You say I hurt her, but she risked everything she's worked for, all the work she's done to distance herself from her family.... for you. She called me. For you. She did the one thing she never wanted to do again. For you. And what did you do? You didn't even have the decency to hear her out."

He's right. "So why are you telling me this?"

"Because she doesn't deserve you thinking she did this. I'm done with the lot of you, I'm handing in my resignation, I’ll let you all figure out how to fix this bloody mess. But I don't know if you're going to even still be here to see it all. Your days are numbered here; your uncle has seen to that."

The room spins and I have to lean back into my chair, watching him walk out of my office, leaving the debris of the bomb he's just detonated.

Clarissa didn't betray me. She didn't collude with Gerry. Whatever happened before has nothing to do with us, but she didn't betray me.

Elation sparks in my chest, the first feeling of life I've felt in weeks. But it's immediately stomped out by the dread that comes with the memory of her face when I saw her at the club.

"You wouldn't believe me, anyway. You were always waiting for a reason to distrust me."

Was she right? Had I been carrying around the baggage of the past without realizing it?

Guilt blasts as understanding dawns.

She couldn't have felt like she could tell me about Gerry because I would've acted like she was fulfilling every betrayal that I was just waiting to happen. Maybe that's why I had tried to hold on so tightly. So that maybe when it came time for her to run, she'd be bonded to me.

I just hadn't expected that I was going to be the reason we weren't together anymore.

I hadn't given a fuck that she'd slept with Gerry. I didn't like it, but I knew what kind of slimy weasel he could be, and it's not like I was some saint before we'd gotten together.

It's because it was a confirmation of everything he was saying.

It was confirmation that she had turned to him in my worst hour.

I need to see her. I need to talk to her; tell her I know everything. And hope that she can forgive me.

"Hannah, don't call. I'm going out," I call out as I run out of the office.

"Good. About time."

***

Me:Meet me at the tree in Washington Square Park. I need to talk to you. Please.

***

It's been two hours since I sent the text for Clarissa to meet me. I chose the spot we've favored for our picnic lunches. The park always gave us ample things to watch and talk about, with one of our favorite times being when we'd watched a father teaching his daughter how to wolf whistle from a YouTube video, but he was about as bad at it as she was. So, I went to meet them, and after a hilarious ten minutes, all three of us were whistling like old pros. I'd learned a lot about myself when it comes to teaching, and the father and daughter left, both having learned a new skill. I'd come back to see Clarissa with a smile on her face, watching intently, although she'd pretended to be focusing on her phone.

It had been hard not to think about her watching me and wondering how I'd be as a father. Not that that was a concept we had even come anywhere close to talking about.

But it had stayed with me.

And sometimes, when I was having a particularly rough day at work, I would imagine the softness in her eyes, the way she'd looked at me when she thought I wasn't looking.

Now here we are, her hating me for not believing her. And me, saturated in guilt over how I'd treated her. Wondering if she would ever forgive me. And knowing I can't blame her if she doesn't.

Two hours and fifteen minutes.

Soon, it's going to be too late for her to leave the club. She has only missed a handful of times to open the club, and most of those involved me.

Her work ethic never ceases to amaze me.

How she has transformed from having every last thing handed to her on a silver platter, to now making sacrifices so that her staff are taken care of.

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