Page 26 of My Three Roommates

One of the things I always liked about Manhattan is the way it can mirror my restless mind. Whenever something was bothering me, all I had to do was step outside of my building. The pace of the city would always match my racing thoughts and it would take me over.

That’s probably why I was able to suppress my attraction to guys for so long. All I had to do was find a distraction.

Out here, that’s not possible. It’s way too quiet, all the time. I can hear myself think.

I hate that.

Especially with the direction that my thoughts keep heading.

I squint up at Kenna, shielding my eyes from the setting sun. Its rays cast a warm, golden glow over the house. The colours are so strong and beautiful, it’s like being inside of a painting.

I can appreciate this scene but I don’t love it with the same enchantment that’s captured Kenna. She comments about how pretty our surroundings are almost every single day. I’m trying to feel what she does, but it’s lost on me.

Kenna’s intense gaze remains fixed on me.

“What?” I ask when she doesn’t look away.

“You’ve been so quiet lately, especially since last night. What’s going on?” Her voice goes flat. “You’re bothered by what we’re doing, aren’t you.”

“That’s not it,” I protest.

“We can stop it, you know. Last night can be the end if you like. I don’t want to do anything that doesn’t feel right to you, Brad.”

I sense her disappointment at just the idea of stopping. “Ending anything isn’t what I want.”

“It truly doesn’t bother you?” Kenna asks me. “Watching me with the other guys?”

“No. It’s really fucking hot,” I say. I never imagined that kind of situation would get me going, but it does.

I shift around in the lounger. Kenna folds herself in beside me, resting her head on my chest. “So what is it then? What’s wrong?”

“I like it too much.”

Her brow knits. “How’s that possible? There’s no such thing as too much fantastic sex.”

“No, not that.” I don’t want to tell her what’s on my mind, although I know I have to. “Where are Tanner and Cody?” The last thing I need is for them to come outside and join us. I can’t deal with a four way conversation right now.

“They went out to a pub.”

“Together?”

“Yes.” She toys with my shirt, pinching the fabric together and smoothing it out again. The sunlight dances in her hair as she moves. “Why are you so surprised?”

“Those two have never been friends,” I say.

“I think we’ve all moved past just being friends and into something more,” Kenna says. “Don’t you think?”

That’s exactly the thought I’ve been trying to avoid. I shrug, but Kenna won’t let me off the hook.

“We might’ve started out as friends, except for you and me. You know I’ve never believed anyone can stay just friends if they start having sex, Brad. Sex always changes everything. Is that what’s been on your mind lately?”

I don’t have the energy to try and deny it anymore. “This whole thing started because I wanted to get the attraction to men out of my system. One and done. Done, as in completely over with.”

“Are you catching feelings?” Kenna asks carefully.

I clear my throat. “Maybe.”

It’s all I can think about. Wanting something more with Tanner and maybe even Cody is driving me crazy. I can’t shake it. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”

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