Page 21 of My Three Roommates

Even as Kenna comes back to the bedroom with a glass of water, I can’t resist stealing one last covert glance at Cody's ripped body as he starts getting dressed. I was so hyper-aware of him, I didn’t even notice her leave.

“What’re you doing?” I ask as she climbs back into bed.

“Going to sleep.” She’s got the sweetest, most contented look on her face. “I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow. What’re you guys doing?”

Cody laughs. “Going out.”

“Where?” I blurt out without thinking. I’ve never asked him what he’s up to before. Fortunately he doesn’t act like there’s anything unusual about my question.

“I’m heading out a bar not far from here,” he says. “Do you want to come along?” He squeezes Kenna’s foot through the blankets.

“Not tonight,” she says firmly. “But I don’t mind if you go with him, Brad.”

Cody turns his laser gaze onto me. “Yeah, come along. It’ll be fun.”

I clear my throat. “I can’t.” Part of me wants to. The other part doesn’t. All of me is consumed by questions. Is he going to pick someone up? Go back to some other guy’s place, since I wouldn’t go for another round with him and Kenna?

I know I’ve got no right to have any opinion about what he might do.

I still can’t help myself.

Fortunately Cody doesn’t press me to come along. It’s bad enough to wonder what he’s going to get up to tonight. Seeing it go down in person would be too much.

After a couple of goodbye kisses for Kenna from both of us, Cody and I leave the bedroom together. I’m extremely uncomfortable walking down the hall beside him. I’m much more aware than I want to be of his body and everything we just did.

Not to mention the mind-blowing new world that he just showed me. I’m never going to be the same again and it's all because of him.

Cody stops suddenly before we get to the front door. I realize I should’ve turned off to the kitchen sooner. Great, now it looks like I was walking him out.

Suddenly, without warning, Cody pulls me into a tight embrace in one very quick, fluid motion. I have to fight the urge to close my eyes as he presses his body firmly against mine.

“Hey. You okay with it all?”

I tense up. I have no idea what to say. Yes. No. I don’t even know what to make of the conflicting emotions racing through my mind.

Cody’s waiting for an answer, not letting me go until he gets one. I don’t want him to. All I want is to sink into his embrace and forget all of my doubts.

Then drag him back to the bedroom.

My heart pounds with indecision.

He nods as if I actually have answered him. “Just don’t go all straight guy on me.”

I can barely form the question. “What does that mean?”

His lips are distracting. One thing we didn’t do is kiss. Do I want to kiss him? Should I?

“You know.” He rolls his eyes. “Start acting all weird. Pretend it didn’t happen. Make stupid, offensive gay jokes.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” The pain in his eyes is clear. It’s a hurt that's been inflicted on him too many times before. For a fleeting moment, I get a glimpse of what it must’ve been like for him growing up. I start to understand why he’s so quick to go on the defensive, to be the first one to make a sarcastic comment.

Neither one of us says a word. He’s staring at me, his gaze intense and searching. As if he’s trying to work out if he can really trust me.

It’s strangely vulnerable moment. There’s a powerful sense of connection between us. Something’s shifted. I’m sure he feels it too.

“I believe you.” Cody steps back, breaking our embrace. For a moment I think he’s going to change his mind and stay here. Instead he turns away. “See you later, man.”

I want to ask him to stay. The sense of loss I have is almost overwhelming.

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