Page 13 of My Three Roommates

“You’ve been rolling your eyes for days, practically every time Cody or Tanner come into the room.” Kenna sets her glass down and leans forward, suddenly intense. “If it’s not the two of them getting into our space that’s bugging you, then what is it?”

I gulp down most of my wine. “There’s something I need to tell you.” I set my glass down before the tension in my hand can snap its thin, delicate stem. “I know I should’ve said something a lot sooner. Way before we moved in together.”

“What’s up, Brad?” Kenna’s expression gets more serious. “You’re worrying me.”

“There’s no one in the world I’d rather be with than you, Kenna,” I say, making an enormous effort to keep my voice steady, as if I’m not on the verge of shattering both of our worlds. “I want you to know that.”

“I already do.” She tilts her head questioningly. “I feel the same way.”

“You might not.” I start to speak again before she can protest. “The thing is, there’s something you don’t know about me. Nobody does. I hope it doesn’t change the way your feelings, but I understand completely if it does.”

The waiter chooses this moment to materialize behind me, scaring the hell out of me when he speaks before he comes into my view.

“Ready to order?”

His enthusiasm grates on me. I bark at him without meaning to. A flicker of annoyance passes through his eyes, so fast that most people might miss it.

“Take all the time you need,” he says smoothly as he turns to head off to a friendlier table.

“Whatever it is that you want to tell me, Brad, just say it. Or else we’re going to end up being served our dinner after he drops it on the floor or something.”

I clear my throat. I should’ve ordered another glass of wine while the guy was here. My mouth’s gone so dry, it’s dusty.

“I’d give anything if this wasn’t part of me, but it is. Kenna, I’m attracted to men. Sexually, not romantically. I can’t get my mind off of the idea of sleeping with a guy. If that changes the way you feel about me, I understand.”

Whatever it was that Kenna thought I might be about to tell her, this clearly wasn’t it. “Are you serious?”

I nod, unable to trust my voice not to crack.

She leans back in her chair, folding her hands together. I usually know what she’s thinking, but not now. I don’t know if it’s because she’s attempting to mask her emotions, or if she’s already distancing herself from me.

“Wanting men doesn’t mean I don’t want you too,” I add, more to break the silence than anything else. I don’t know if I can convince her of that.

Her eyes lock onto mine. “So you’re bisexual.”

I blink. “What?”

“If you want me, and you’re into guys too, that’s what you mean. Right?” Kenna asks. “Brad. If you’re just saying you still want to be with me and you don’t mean it, that’s not okay. I don’t want you to string me along. If you’re gay, just tell me.”

“I’m not gay, Kenna,” I insist. “I want you. There’s a crazy part of me that wants to have sex with a guy too, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. At all.”

Every word I’m saying is true. Although as I hear myself, I wouldn’t believe me if I was in Kenna’s position.

I swallow hard. “If you want to break up with me, I get it.”

Her brow creases. “Why would I want to do that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “Since when does any woman want to be with a guy who’s attracted to other men?”

“Why not?” Kenna counters. “You’re still you, Brad. I only wish you’d told me sooner. It can’t have been easy keeping something like this a secret for so long. You really never told anybody? Not even Tanner?”

“Especially not him.”

“Why not? You’ve been best friends for so long.” She picks up her wine glass then sets it down just as abruptly. “Wait. Are you interested in him?”

I can’t bring myself to reveal the thoughts I’ve been having about my best friend since he moved in. I look away, as if the view of the sidewalk is suddenly very interesting.

“You are,” Kenna says, reading me like a book. She grins. “You’ll have to get in line for him.”

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