“It was certainly not what we planned, but I kind of liked the rush of it,” I said. “It was a challenge. In my last job, the most exciting thing was a coffee spilled on someone’s research paper.”
“It was exciting, and I have to say the work was worth the reward,” she said. “I was so excited I could share the reward with my husband.”
“How long have you been married?” I asked.
“Thirty-seven years,” she said, smiling. “It hasn’t always been easy, and there are days I want to lock him in the basement, but we’ve managed.”
“I bet it’s a lot of work,” I said.
“It’s work, but not the same kind of work like we do,” she said. “You’re working at a relationship because you know it’s the most important thing in the world. Your future depends on the work you’re willing to put in.”
“And the compromise,” I added.
“Oh, the compromise,” she said. “There’s lots of that but it gets easier. You quickly learn what your partner does and doesn’t like. You figure out what is worth compromising on and what’s best just left alone. In the beginning, those compromises were like swallowing straight lemon juice. It was never all that pleasant, but you learn to make it work.”
I listened to her talk and thought about my situation with Jon. This woman had figured out how to make a relationship work. She didn’t give up. Her husband didn’t give up.
“You must truly love each other,” I said.
“We do,” she said. “He’s my world. We had our kids and raised our family. Now, it’s just the two of us again and I honestly can’t imagine what my life would be without him, even when he drives me absolutely mad.”
We toured one deck and then the next. I listened to her talk about her husband and their relationship. I had no real relationship role models to look up to. My mom had stayed single. I didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like and I certainly didn’t know how to make one work.
“I think I’m going to change and spend some time at the pool,” I said. “It’s a warm day.”
“I’m going to check on my husband,” she said. “I’ll take him some ginger ale. I hope the pills work and he can enjoy himself. If not, it looks like I’ll be enjoying this cruise with a view from the porthole in our room.”
“Oh no,” I said. “I really hope he feels better.”
“Me too,” she said.
Her room was at the opposite end of the hall. I made my way to my room and closed the door.
I wondered if he was in there. Was he on the other side of the wall? What was he doing? I wondered if he even thought about me anymore. At the office, he seemed to accept the fact we were done. He didn’t try anything. He didn’t ask for anything and he never tried to explain the situation again.
I wasn’t sure if I was happy that he chose to drop it. There was a part of me that wanted him to fight a little harder. But then I reminded myself it wouldn’t change anything. We were done. It was over. It was easier to just leave the past in the rearview mirror.
I put on the black bikini with the bottoms that had a little more coverage than the thong I wore to the waterfall. The black sheer coverup did little to hide me, but this was a cruise. I wasn’t going to be the only one walking around in a bathing suit.
I stuffed a few things into a bag and stepped out of my room once again. I listened at his door for a few seconds. It didn’t sound like anyone was inside, but he could just be sitting quietly. I walked away before I got caught loitering. I had to admit I was very relieved when he showed up alone. Part of me had been worried he would bring a plus-one. That would probably kill me. There was no way I could have been on a ship with him and a woman.
46
JON
Ihad to keep up appearances, which meant lots of smiles and inconsequential chatter. This was a reward for my team’s hard work. I was not going to be the Debbie Downer on the trip. I was the host and my mom had taught me all a guy needed to know about being a good host. I knew how to make people feel welcome. I knew how to make small talk and keep a party going.
I meandered around the top deck, nodding and smiling and introducing myself to the spouses of my staff. While I told myself I wasn’t going to do it, I found myself looking for her. I was trying to find her. It would be a damn shame if she decided to hide in her room the whole trip. With the way things had been going at the office all week, I would have not been surprised if that was exactly what she did.
I walked down the steps to the lower deck with the largest pool. Quite a few of the younger staff were congregating poolside. I spotted her almost immediately. She was wearing the black bikini, but the bottoms were different. I watched her drink a fruity cocktail with the requisite umbrella stuck in the glass. She and a few others were hanging out at the poolside bar in the waist-high water.
She happened to look up and see me watching. It was the first time she looked at me the way she used to. My heart lurched in my chest. It was a glimmer of hope. I walked away from the pool and over to one of the restaurants that were serving an endless amount of crab legs. I grabbed a basket and had a seat at one of the tables covered in a red checkered plastic cloth.
“How are you?” Brian asked and sat down with his own basket.
“Good, you?”
He started to attack the crab leg. “Better than I was yesterday,” he said, laughing.