Page 1 of He's the One

Chapter One

Col hoped the stag closing in on him didn’t see him as a rival. It was trying to make itself look as imposing as possible and had festooned its antlers with bracken, moss and twigs. Col backed away. Fortunately, the stag didn’t follow, which saved Col from having to run.

The animal’s flamboyant strut reminded him of Robert, his boyfriend, who had to have his hair and clothes just right before he’d leave the flat. Robert worked out every lunchtime in a gym close to his office, obsessed with maintaining his six-pack. He was fanatical about the size of his pecs and biceps, continually flexing them for Col to admire. Col didn’t have the heart to tell him he wasn’t fond of overly large muscles, especially when Robert was getting bigger and bigger. Except in one particular place.

Col’s stomach rumbled and he decided it was time to leave. As he headed for his car, he spotted an open-top electric tour vehicle coming his way and he smiled at the kids brandishing their brightly coloured plastic cameras. He wished he’d had a camera when he was little. A lump formed in his throat. There were a lot of things he wished he’d had when he was little. Different parents for a start.

Thinking of his childhood was always a mistake, but not the reason the smile slid off his face. For a moment, he stood frozen in complete denial. Robert couldn’t be sitting at the back of a tour vehicle in Richmond Park because he was looking after his parents in Bath. So that wasn’t him with his arm over the shoulders of a pretty blonde, and the two kids with them, weren’t Robert’s.

Col couldn’t breathe or move. He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Maybe this was a sister Robert hadn’t told him about, or a friend. Col rang him, not that Robert would answer, not on a Saturday. He watched the man he didn’t want to be Robert check his phone, then reject his call.Oh God.As the vehicle turned and came to a halt, Col took a picture of the happy family, then hurried away before he was spotted.Fuck you, Robert.The guy was a liar and a cheat, and he’d just destroyed Col’s world.

Yet even as he stumbled to his car, denials flooded back. He was wrong. It couldn’t be Robert. He was gay, not bi. The phone was just a coincidence.Col stopped to check the picture he’d taken, his fingers shaking.Oh shit.Denial fell under the sword of reality. He trudged over the grass, fighting to keep his feet moving and his tears at bay. The pain in his chest might have worried him if he hadn’t known what caused it.

Everything made sense now.

Robert spending almost every weekend at his parents.The carers need a break.

Robert not being able to take a week off work to go on holiday with Col.My mum’s too sick.

But Robert could take a two-week business trip in late July from which he’d come back brown. I tan so easily.

Col couldn’t meet his parents.I can’t tell them I’m gay! They’re old and fragile.

He’d allowed himself to be blinded by what he thought was love, by what Robert kept telling him was love. Col’s need to be the most important person in another man’s world had allowed those words to fill his heart and silence any doubts. Maybe some peoplecouldtan that easily. He’d convinced himself Robert wasThe One, the love of his life, the man he’d grow old with, maybe even have a family with. That dream had just died in a horrible way. Col rubbed his chest. Why did it hurt so much?

He pressed the remote to open his car. Once he was inside, he broke down, burying his face in his hands, tears running down his cheeks and over his fingers. The ground had been yanked from under his feet and he was still falling. How could Robert do this? Humiliation warred with hurt, battled with rage, faltered against grief.The fucking shitty bastard…

But Col’s tears eventually stopped. It wasn’t the end of the world. Worse things happened. He, of all people, knew that. Any interest in breakfast had vanished. The fifteen-mile journey to Islington was a slow-moving traffic jam and took him almost two hours. Col was aghast to register he’d hardly been aware of the drive. At least he’d managed to return safely on autopilot.

He left his car in Robert’s spot, and went up to the second floor. With the door closed behind him, he slid to the floor and broke down again. Everything looked different now, this place no longer his home. The overstuffed blue couch where he and Robert cuddled to watch TV, where Col hid his face in Robert’s chest if there was any sign of blood—much to Robert’s amusement. He wouldn’t have laughed if he’d known why. The ultra-modern kitchen with granite worktops where Robert had cooked with him, fucked him…Oh God. He thought of Robert in bed with the blonde and barely made it to the bathroom before he threw up the little he had in his stomach.

Plans to pack were put on hold. He dropped down on the mattress in the spare room, pulled a fleece blanket over himself, curled up and shut out everything.

Col came round slowly and for a brief, blissful fraction of time, didn’t remember. His world still turned before grinding to a juddering halt. He’d been dealt a harsh lesson. Being a good guy did not mean your dreams would come true. It had been a mistake to ignore behaviour that should have made him walk away: the violent flashes of temper, the moodiness, Robert’s selfishness.

But the thought of Robert with someone else made Col tremble with distress. Col never wanted to see him again and yet the thought of never seeing him again made him feel wretched, then angry. Though shock was gradually wearing off, the adrenaline rushes fed by rage, grief and pain faded and his mind cleared.

Robert wasn’t who he thought he was.Deal with it.

Col had no destructive urge. Cutting up Robert’s clothes, breaking his TV, snipping the leads off his tech… None of that would make him feel better. Sadness had control now. Grief for what he’d had and now lost—for what he thought he’d had.

Going home meant telling his mum and dad what had happened and his pride wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t afford to waste money on a hotel. Looking further ahead, he’d struggle to find a place to live because he didn’t have enough for a deposit. His reserves had been nibbled away paying his share of bar bills, buying food that Robert liked, going to Waitrose instead of Asda because Robert was a snob. Even though this was an emergency, it wasn’t enough of one that he’d use the money set aside for his brother.

Col managed to pack without breaking down, removing every item of clothing, every book, every piece of stone and wood he’d carved and chiselled, even though they’d been gifts for Robert. He wanted no trace of himself left behind. Well, maybe one trace. He used Robert’s printer to make a copy of the image that had broken his heart, and fastened it to the fridge.

No words required.

Col didn’t like rows or confrontations. More than didn’t like. All his life, he’d backed down from anything that might lead to that. Even the raised voices of strangers could freak him out. A parent dealing roughly with a child was enough to set off a panic attack.

But if he’d just walked out, Robert wouldn’t know how much he’d hurt him. Col didn’t want him back, but he did want him to see what he’d done was wrong.How brave am I feeling? Not verywas the answer but he’d wait until Robert came back tomorrow, confront him, then he’d leave.

He blocked Robert’s number. Col probably owed him money, but he didn’t care. Robert was a corporate lawyer, he earned far more than Col. Anyway, Col’s name wasn’t on the bills, he’d always given Robert cash. Now he could see why Robert hadn’t wanted a bank transfer.

Col set his phone aside, and curled back under the blanket. Tomorrow he’d be different. Today, he was allowed to be miserable. Eight months of his life he wouldn’t get back, but it might have gone on for years.

He didn’t think he’d sleep. He’d eaten nothing all day and his chest still ached, but something pulled him under, suffocated him into unconsciousness—maybe the avalanche of emotions filling his head. Col wanted to be strong and in control, but that had never been him. Ever. He was nothing like his brother Dominic.

Though that was mostly a good thing.

---