Page 40 of Love Sick

The slope of Alanna’s elongated neck catches my attention and I punish the keys as I look at her with not disgust, but interest. Her chest rises and falls quickly. She’s excited.

And I hate that I am too.

Not excited in a sexual manner, but music has always gotten me hard.

The fact that Alanna is the inspiration for that arousal has me questioning what the fuck is wrong with me. I want it to stop. But I can’t. I am a slave to the music, and just like before the operation, it is the only language I need.

The only love language I understand.

But that’s abruptly replaced with laughter, with the smell of strawberries on a hot summer’s day.

“I remember your heart. It sings to me.”

Light cracks through the darkness and reminds me of who I am, of who I love…I love Luna. Whatever this is with Alanna needs to stop, regardless of the whispers the music speaks to me.

I cease playing and stare Alanna down. “I’m tired.”

She wets her lips, my words breaking her from a trancelike state. “Of course. I’ll take you back to your room to rest. Tomorrow, you could try eating. And maybe when you’re better, I’ll show you around our new home.”

She rises and takes a hold of the handles of my chair, humming happily as she wheels me from the room, while I don’t fail to take note of the horrifying words she just said—our new home.

Home sweet home…

Iwant to sleep for a hundred years, but I can’t.

Opening my eyes, I see that it’s still dark out. This motel is a real shithole, but it’s the only place I could afford with the fifty bucks I stole from the trucker who was nice enough to give me a ride.

I never stopped running from Parkfields. I didn’t look back. Just forward as I ran for my life. Each turn I took, I expected to be greeted by the police, ready to be dragged back to the hospital and dreading the worst.

But when I saw the red brake lights of the logging truck which stopped ahead, I knew I had made it.

I didn’t think twice as I jumped into his truck and told him I didn’t care where we went, I just needed to be far away from Parkfields. He seemed nice enough, happy for the company. He didn’t ask any questions, not that he had to. My dirty hospital gown and scrappy appearance was explanation enough.

He chatted about his wife and two kids. How they were high school sweethearts and he was working the strenuous hours that he was to support them all. His name was Ray, and I did a dirty on Ray when I stole fifty dollars out of his wallet when he stopped to use the restroom.

Again, I didn’t look back as I ran through the thick forest, heart in my throat, because I didn’t have any idea where I was. Only when I was crippled with fatigue did I give in. I was happy to sleep under the skies, but the buzzing neon motel sign caught my eye from across the road.

I stumbled to the small window and the elderly women took pity on me clearly as she took my crumpled note and told me to stay for as long as I needed. I landed face-first on the smelly mattress and slept like the dead.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been out of it for, but I am rested enough to conjure up a plan.

First things first, I need to find out where I am.

Sitting upright, I switch on the lamp, open the bedside dresser drawer, and see a Bible and what looks to be a tourist map. Reaching for the map, I open it and spread it across my lap. I trace my finger over names and places I don’t recognize.

“Remember,” I berate myself because this is beyond frustrating.

I focus on town names and landmarks, determined to recall something. My eye keeps going back to one place. Somerton University.

I don’t know why, but I trust my gut and decide to check out why this place out of all places stands out to me.

My body aches as I rise to shower off the filth from the past few days. The light flickers above the basin as I stare at my deathly complexion in the mirror. My hair is a combination of faded black with my blonde roots coming through.

I look a mess.

There is a sadness imprinted all over me. I use two fingers to lift the corners of my mouth into a forced smile, but the gesture looks foreign. I don’t want to smile. I just want my life, and the memories that go with it, back.

Standing under the shower spray, I wash away the sins of my past and wish I could emerge reborn. But I won’t rest until I find Dutch and Alanna pays for everything she’s done.

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