Page 88 of Heart Sick

I blow out a long-winded breath.

I can’t help but feel Dutch isn’t telling me everything.

“Did she mention anything about…me?” I don’t even know how he would broach that topic, but he definitely isn’t sharing everything.

“No. She didn’t mention anything about a woman in Jack’s life. She said he was very secretive when it came to his personal life.”

“So what do we do now? You’re no closer to finding out the truth.”

Dutch sighs, and for the first time since I can remember, I sense defeat. “I told her I’d be in touch. It’s a lot to process right now.”

“Of course.”

“Does any of this feel familiar? The house? The woman?”

I shake my head. “I wish it did. It’s so incredibly frustrating. Have you heard anything?”

I don’t need to clarify what I mean.

Dutch attempts to walk away, but I grip his wrist, stopping him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“This is so fucked up, Luna,” he says, finally meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t feel real.”

And he’s right.

None of this feels real. The only thing that does are my feelings for him.

“I don’t know what lies ahead, but I need you to know something. I need you to kno—”

He doesn’t let me finish, however, as he slams his lips against mine, silencing me. This kiss is far from gentle. It’s laced with obsession and an urgency which I don’t understand.

I bite Dutch’s lip, tasting blood.

A strangled moan gets caught in his throat before he threads his fingers through my hair and pulls hard.

Will I ever stop wanting him?

Just as I rub over his erection, he pulls back, shaking his head. “Not here. I want to show you something.”

I can’t hide my disappointment, but my curiosity gets the better of me.

We walk back to the car, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Things have definitely shifted between us, and I worry Dutch will never look at me the way he first did when we were on that bus. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s hiding something from me, and I’m afraid of what it might be.

We drive in silence once again—our forever passenger.

I come to realize that although Dutch is wary of me, I, too, am putting my entire faith in him as well. I’m accepting everything he says at face value because I trust him.

But should I?

Something so beautiful has suddenly turned ugly, and I hate it. If only I could remember. I can’t help but wonder why I can’t. What is my memory trying so hard for me to forget?

I’m not sure when day turned to night, but when Dutch pulls over, the skies are twinkling with dots of light. I’m not sure why, but I feel most at home in the darkness. I wonder if I always felt this way.

“What are you thinking?”

I want to be honest because at this point, I have nothing to lose. “I thought by now, I would have remembered something, but it’s like my mind refuses to remember because of the things that have happened…because of the things I’ve done.”

A heavy sigh leaves Dutch.

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