Page 23 of Heart Sick

“My parents,” he replies, and although I am desperate to know the reason why he’s here, I won’t ask. And I know he will do the same with me.

“You’re thinking if we can talk to them, they might be able to help?”

“My parents will make a decision on the advice of my doctor,” he shares blankly. “But if you can talk to your friend, and convince her being in here is worse than being out there, then maybe.”

I wish I could see him.

I stretch my arm out, almost yanking it from the socket in hopes of touching the vent as it makes me feel somewhat closer to him. But I can’t reach.

“What about you?”

A heavy sigh leaves him. “I don’t have anything of worth waiting for me out there.”

His confession saddens me because I, too, am in the same predicament. “I suppose I don’t either.”

“So why are we trying so hard to leave?” he asks, laughing lightly.

The sound makes me smile.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m no sadder in here than I was out there.”

But that’s not entirely true.

Being in here, being with Bowie, completes me in a way I don’t understand. I feel guilty for it.

“I was happy once, but I’ll never feel that again.”

Bowie is quiet and I wonder if I’ve shared too much.

“I can relate to that. So we plan a jailbreak, only to be miserable on the outside? Doesn’t sound like a very good plan to me.”

I smile, his sense of humor similar to mine.

“At least I don’t feel so crazy being in here,” he shares, his humor giving way to his thoughts. “I don’t know what will happen once I get out.”

And here we are, caught at a crossroad.

“I lost my reason to live,” I confess softly, hoping I don’t sound melodramatic because it’s the truth.

But when he replies, I understand why we’ve connected.

“I did too. It was ripped from my chest.”

“So was mine.” I think of Misha, sadness dragging me under. “How do you fill that hole? Where your heart once beat?”

A shadow soon dances in front of my eyes and I realize it’s Bowie’s hand pressed to the vent. My heart swells at the gesture, but I wish I could feel his hand against mine.

“I don’t know, but I’ll die trying.” There is promise to his words and I know that’s the reason we’re all in here.

“I suppose that’s what got my crazy ass thrown into here,” I say, needing to lighten the mood with my dark humor.

Misha would laugh, but I realize Bowie may not appreciate the quip.

However, what he says next has me bursting into very inappropriate laughter. “We clearly should have tried harder.”

“Clearly,” I agree, unable to wipe my smile clean.

“I like your laugh,” he says, catching me off guard.

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