Page 101 of Heart Sick

“Are you all right?” someone asks, but I can’t answer. I can’t think. All I see are his eyes. Jack’s eyes, but they’re not his.

A debilitating force smashes into me, and if not strapped to this chair, I would have collapsed onto the floor. But my body doesn’t want to be alive, and I begin to convulse so violently I taste blood as I bite down on my tongue.

Panicked voices all morph into one, but none of them make any sense because I’m caught in a vortex, and down the rabbit hole I go.

“I’m already gone. But I can live on. Every beat of my heart helps another live.”

“I lost my reason to live.”

“When will they stop drugging him like this?”

Endless conversations slam into me over and over again, conversations I don’t remember having, but I know that I did. I just need to wade through the heaviness because the truth is within reach.

“You’re going to be all right.” Frantic fingers feel for a vein in my arm, but I don’t want to be sedated. Not now, not when I’m so close.

My teeth are clenched so tight I’m sure they’re about to shatter. But I don’t care because none of this matters. The only thing that does is finding out his name.

The world begins to move, and I realize that’s because I’m being wheeled away.

“We were talking about getting a place together. And we often spoke about the future. He wanted to have a big family. We had so many plans. But now…now he’s gone.”

“I love you. Please live…live for me.”

They won’t stop.

All I can hear are voices, voices which are the key to uncovering this all.

I want to scream.

I want to claw off my skin.

I want to rip out my heart.

The chaos is blinding; it’s deafening.

“Get her onto the table.” That voice, now that voice I remember.

She’s the one who told me I was insane and being here was for my own good. And I believed her. I mean, she is a doctor, after all.

She’s the one we looked to for guidance. She’s the one we trusted.

Oh god…vomit rises and I gag on it.

“I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to make you better so you can play music again. I know that if you can do that again, everything will be all right.”

“I’m going to make you better. It’s going to go back to how things were.”

She isn’t helping anyone but herself.

“Luna? Can you hear me?”

My eyes are pried open, and a bright light is shone into them, blinding me. However, even though I’m blinded, it’s the first time that everything is crystal clear.

She kisses him passionately even though he is non-responsive. But she doesn’t seem to mind if the moans coming from her are anything to go by. She unlocks his restraints, and when I hear the water sloshing, I charge forward, ready to rip off her hand.

I remember…I fucking remember.

“Have it your way then because after I’m done with you, you won’t remember a thing.”

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