Page 46 of Crybaby

The walls suddenly close in on me when Darcie wets her lips before confessing in a small voice, “Buckets. Blake. And Foss.”

She swallows deeply, as it appears even saying their names makes her want to be sick.

“What—what did they do?”

Only after she is done detailing what no human being should ever endure does she allow a single tear to fall. I, however, am fucking numb.

I stare through her, unable to process her ugly words as truth.

“Say something,” she whispers, her lower lip trembling.

But I don’t know what to say.

I don’t know what to think.

Her face hardens, and she lifts her chin high, letting the jacket I had put around her to drop to the floor.

She stands there in her tattered underwear, staring at me, daring me to look at her body, but I won’t. She grabs my hand and places it against the skin around her waist and hips.

A car pulls into the parking lot, and the headlights shine through the cracks in the curtains, briefly illuminating the side of her face. I almost don’t recognize her.

“Darcie, don’t…” I begin.

“Shut up,” she says and reaches for my face as if she’s blind and touches every line of it—my forehead, which suddenly relaxes from tension, down my nose, until her fingertips reach my lips.

I’m not going to move. I don’t know what the fuck this is, but the last thing I want to do is tell her to stop it.

He’s so beautiful, and I am destroyed inside. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel anything again.

His lips are softer than I expected. I touch them, and I feel like I’m going to kiss him. Maybe use him. I’m in control now. We are playing chicken, and neither of us will break eye contact.

He’s breathing shallow breaths, but I feel like I’m running and haven’t stopped. I brush the hair back from his face so he can see me properly.

I remove the remains of my underwear, carefully lifting my bra straps over the cuts on my shoulders. The musty, cold air sends shivers across my skin, causing goose bumps all over my body, but inside, I’m burning. Blood is crusted down my thighs, and I see him glance down.

“I won,” I say, knowing the staring contest was mine to be had.

His face is still, and he doesn’t react, though I see the pain in his eyes. Like he’s taken all of mine, I’m devoid of feeling.

I’m naked, yet I feel like I’m wearing armor. No care about my body being exposed. The world has made me invincible now.

My eyes dare him to touch me, but he is unmoving. I reach forward to feel what might betray him against his pants zipper, but there is nothing.

I’m horrified.

“I care about you, Darcie,” he says, and it sounds like an apology.

“Do you? Because it doesn’t feel like it,” I reply, disgusted that my naked body has had no effect on him.“Prove it, Rev!” I’mtalking louder. I don’t know whose voice I’m hearing, but I guess it’s my own.

“I’m trying,” he states, reaching down for the jacket to cover my body.

I rip it away from him angrily and throw it hard to the floor.“Fuck me,” I demand, challenging his eyes.

All I see is pity. I slap him for the third time that day.

He grits his teeth and says a muffledfuckthrough them while trying to remain calm.

“Stop.” He puts his hands up, creating a barrier.

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