Page 36 of Crybaby

I feel knees on my shoulders,pinning me down. My legs are kicking, andBlakehas his foot pressed against my ankle, twisting it into the dirt. I twist and turn to look over my shoulder to see he’s smoking a cigarette casually and looking out across the field.

“Do it,”he says to Foss,who is standing there with his big uglyprickout.

“Mind those teeth. Don’t bite,”Blakecontinueslaughing clouds of smoke into the cold night air.

I feelit come at me fast, the heat and long injection of his dick pushing past my lips and down into my throat.

I want to stop breathing.

Stop existing.

I think ofRevwhen he turned up at my door,wishing I could press rewind. Go back inside, and slam the door in his face.

I can see curls bouncing overme.Foss has his knees on my shoulders, and he’s fucking my mouth like it doesn’t have a human attached. I can feel someone ripping my underwear down my legs. Big hands, grabbing at my cold,slippery skin.

I’m exposed.

I know I am,but I can’t see.

My body is no longer sacred and no longer mine. I feel large fingers enter me, and I can’t stop them.

“She’s so fucking tight,man!”hollersBuckets. He spits on me, and I feel the cold, wet grime hit where his fingers move.

“Go easy,boys. Save some for me,”saysBlake,who just watches calmly from above.

At this point, I’m begging God to let me die. I feel like I’m in and out of consciousness, but it’s not the alcohol. It’s trauma. My brain is trying to check out, but it’s not working. I need to leave my body and shed my skin like a snake slipping out of its shell.

Rushing back into reality, I bite down on the meaty dick invading my mouth, and Foss screams like a baby, quickly pulling out.

I gasp for air like I’ve just come up out of a deep ocean of water. I begin to throw up, and I’m trying to kick Buckets in the face.I’m sure I collect his jaw with my foot at one point, and the pain from my twisted ankle surges up my leg.

“Move,fool!”ordersBlake,and he shovesBuckets away from me.The big dopey mountain of a guy falls to the side, laughing like he’s giving his friend a turn at pinball.

Blake gets on the ground, reaches for me, and slams me over onto my face, throwing my dress over my head. It provides a small comfort as now I feel somewhat disembodied from the situation. I’m under my dress, telling myself it’s okay.

I’ll be okay.

My fingers dig into the dirt, and I try to scramble forward. Hands grab at my hips and yank me back hard.

“You’ve been a bad girl,” saysBlake through his teeth, his enjoyment clear.

He grabs my ass and slaps it really hard, which makes my whole body rattle,but I don’t feel it. I knew it should sting,but I’m numb. I feel myself being entered.

Suddenly, my ability to feel pain is back as I’m torn for the first time. Wide open and bleeding. My life has ended here in the most brutal and embarrassing way. I want to scream for my mom, and my voice shudders against the dirt beneath the dress, hiding my face from this horrific show.

I can hear the little girl inside me saying, “Mom.”

“Mom.”

I break inside my head, all of my thoughts now twisting and turning into the evolution of who I’m going to become.

A warrior.

A beast.

He thrusts hard,forcing my mouth into the dirt.I can taste it on my tongue,mixed with the whiskey.

Ineed to vomit. Over and over again.Vomit out the old me who is now dead.

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