Page 75 of Finding Home

“I did have a good reason,” she whimpered half-heartedly.

The tension coursing through him pulled his patience tight, and it took great effort not to shout his next words. “What was it, Hope? What reason did you have for any of that?”

For a long time, she just stood there, a longing so vivid in her eyes that for the first time since she’d told him what had happened, Gabe’s heart lifted. Maybe she would open up to him. Maybe there was a way back to her.

But then her shoulders slumped, and her gaze fell with them. “I can’t tell you. I’m so sorry.” The words were no more than a ripple of air in the room, but he’d heard them clear enough.

He exhaled a rush of air that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. She didn’t trust him. She’d rather keep the truth from him than trust him with it. And with a gut-wrenching sorrow, he accepted the reality—there could be nothing between them if she didn’t trust him enough to be honest. How could he protect her from men like Adam, and God knows who else, if she didn’t trust him with the truth.? He’d been in a situation before where the woman he loved wasn’t open with him, and it ended tragically. He couldn’t risk that all over again. “Then I’m sorry too, Hope.”

Suddenly, the room shrunk around him, sucking all the air out of it. His chest tightened as walls closed in on him. His past pushed memories mercilessly against his present. Memories that reminded him of all the reasons he never should have let himself trust again. He needed to get out of there.

He let his resentment take over, lacing his words with venom.

“You know, you should do yourself a favor,” he said as he opened the door to leave. “Just accept who you are. Embrace it. Live your golden life, in your golden castle, and save all the rest of us the heartache of feeling like a pawn in a game.”

He walked out without looking back, leaving her and every dream he’d had for them alone in his office.

CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT

“So you just left her there?” Lori’s voice chastised over the phone, reminding Gabe why calling his sister was the worst idea he’d had since walking out on Hope.

He’d tried calling Sean first, but his best friend wasn’t answering his phone. Multiple shots of whisky later, he caved and called his sister. He’d been hoping for some sympathy, maybe even a bit of advice. What he got was screeching recriminations in his ear.

“I knew you’d fuck this up. I knew it! Gabriel Walsh, nobody, and I mean nobody, self-destructs quite like you do.”

“She’s the one who lied to me, Lori,” he mumbled, caught between misery and exhaustion.

After he’d left Hope in his office, he walked the streets of Portland for hours, but it did nothing to loosen the knot in his chest. Now, after a sleepless night spent becoming intimately familiar with the bottom of his whisky bottle and drunk dialing his sister at six in the morning, he was still no closer to processing all that Hope had told him.

“Maybe she lied because she was afraid her past would screw up her future with you? Maybe she was scared? Maybe she rightly believed you’d judge her based on her past? Maybe she was trying to put it all behind her? Maybe there’s more to the story, Gabe, but guess what? You’ll never know because you’re a fucking moron.”

“Christ, will you stop swearing? It sounds weird, you never swear.”

“You know what’s weird, Gabe? You abandoning the love of your life, then getting drunk and calling your sister tobail you outof a bad situation. Are you and Hope really that different?”

Jesus. He hated when his sister was right. He’d been an asshole for walking away from Hope. He’d been hurt because he’d trusted her, and thought she trusted him. It hurt to know she’d kept something so big from him, and at the height of his shock and anger, he’d wondered what else she’d kept from him.

“Go find her, you idiot.” His sister’s voice was like a drill in his head. Or maybe that was the hangover starting. “Before it’s too late.”

“I liked you better when you were nice.”

She snorted. “I was never nice.” Then in a softer tone, she asked, “You love her, don’t you?”

He did. So much he couldn’t imagine life without her in it anymore.

“Go find her. Talk to her, Gabe. Find out the details.” Lori sighed heavily on the other end of the phone. “I know it’s a foreign concept to most men, but it’s called communication, and if you do it right, it usually works.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yes. You are.”

“Christ, I said that out loud?”

“Yes, you did.”

Shit.He needed to stop drinking. “I gotta go, sis.”

“Yes, you do.”

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