Page 28 of Finding Home

Those melted-chocolate eyes studied hers now, and she knew her number was up. Sean saw right through her. She was running scared and he knew it. He was going to call her on it any minute now.

“You know how many women I’ve seen go through Gabe’s life in the last six years?” he asked conversationally. Before Ivy could give a smart-ass guess, he said, “Zero.” He side-eyed Ivy with a brief but warning glance, then looked back at Hope. “His wife died six years ago.”

Hope nodded. Hadn’t she found that out the hard way?

“And since then, he hasn’t so much as alluded to even the possibility of including a woman in his life.”

Ivy snorted, and Hope knew she couldn’t help herself. Ivy’s opinion of men was unfavorable at best, and with good reason.

“Puh-leeze. As if any man could keep it zipped up for that long.” Ivy followed up her gross generalization by rolling her eyes so hard they almost popped right out of her head.

Sean glared at her, and something tightened in his features. It passed before Hope could decipher it, but she sensed an underlying frustration.

“You’d be surprised,” he muttered under his breath, then he said more loudly to Hope, “I’m not saying he hasn’t been laid in six years, although if he has, he hasn’t told me about it. What I am saying is that if he’s starting something with a woman like you, in his own house, with his daughter in the other room, then he’s not messing around.” Hope must have looked as uncertain as she felt because Sean drew in a deep sigh before he continued. “Look, I’m not going to get into all the shit he’s been through, or the scars that shit left behind. But if he’s decided he’s ready to move on after all this time, and it’s with you, then this is the happiest day of my life because I can’t think of a better guy getting a second chance with a better woman.”

She wasn’t sure she could live up to the expectations of being a better woman. Not when she was hiding so much of herself from Gabe. Things that he might never understand. Feeling like a fraud, she wrapped her arms around herself.

Gabe probably thought he had her figured out, but he had no idea. Her family life was a mess. And she was beginning to feel like she was contributing more to the problem than the solution. How could she ever explain those details to a man who valued and protected family as much as Gabe did?

Then there was the Ivy thing. She glanced at her friend, who was back to fidgeting with the rubber bands.

It wasthe thingthat she’d sworn never to talk about with anyone, but it affected her nevertheless. Despite Ivy’s smaller than average stature, she appeared so strong standing there, a woodland warrior pixy ready to take on the demons of the forest, one who’d traded her armor and arrows for yoga pants and exercise bands.

But Hope knew better. Behind the tough exterior was a frightened and vulnerable woman who’d probably never trust another man again. And Hope would never risk the fragile veneer or the newfound strength Ivy had built during the last three years by divulging secrets to anyone, including Gabe. Even if it would help him understand the events that had molded her into the person she was today. A person who was nowhere near ready to be the woman he moved on with after six years alone.

If this could be a fling—just a couple of no-strings-attached tumbles to release the sexual tension constantly brewing between them—she might have been convinced to get on board. Lord knew she could use a good affair to take the edge off the stress in her life. But people who did the things they had done in the bathroom the night before with a child down the hall did not have no-strings tumbles. Sean had said it—Gabe deserved a second chance, and she wasn’t second chance material. He wasn’t a no-strings kind of guy.

No. It wouldn’t work. He’d want more. He and Rubydeservedmore.

If she was being honest, she would have loved to be the one who might give them everything they deserved. She’d always wanted a partner in life, a companion, in the bedroom and out. She wanted a family of her own. Children. Maybe a dog, or at least a cat. A routine, and a family vacation, and a house that was home. She wanted everything she’d had as a child.

But that life wasn’t for her, at least not right now. She was too messed up at this point, had too much baggage to sort through. Not to mention her commitment to Ivy.

She wasn’t the right woman for Gabe. Or Ruby. Especially Ruby.

“Want my advice?” Sean asked, oblivious to the torrent of thoughts flying around in Hope’s head. “Don’t think so hard, Hope.”

Okay, maybe not so oblivious.

“Go with what feels good,” he added. “With what feels right.”

But that was the problem. What felt good and what felt right were two different things. And because of that, there was really only one thing to do: she had to quit being Ruby’s nanny and focus on finding another job.

CHAPTERELEVEN

Several weeks later, well into the month of March, Hope still hadn’t quit. Of course she hadn’t. She’d meant to, had even planned what she would say to Gabe, but in the end she didn’t.

The truth was that she was not only enjoying her time with Ruby, but her time with Gabe as well. Over the last few weeks, she’d slowly gotten to know him better, and not just the obvious things like his ability to run his whole life on approximately four hours of sleep and 3 liters of coffee a day, but the little things, like he seemed to have an aversion to wearing socks when he was home, and the fact that he lifted weights daily in his mini home gym right before work so by the time she arrived he was freshly showered and smelled like an intoxicating blend of cedar and fresh male skin.

Most evenings now, they’d gotten into the habit of sitting down at the small dinner table together chatting about the evening while he wolfed down whatever leftovers she’d saved for him. Which is why, she now knew, he absolutely hated potato skins and left a sad empty husk behind anytime she’d made a baked potato with dinner. Sometimes she’d make him one on purpose, because watching him meticulously scoop out the guts then moan about how good it tasted did something inexplicably delightful to her insides.

She’d discovered he was a basketball fanatic and caught up on NBA highlights every night before he went to bed no matter how late he’d gotten home.

Even his preference for nineties rock music was starting to rub off on her, and she caught herself hummingWonderwallin the shower more than once now.

But no matter how many new things she learned about him every day, her favorite was still witnessing the sweetness and devotion he had for his daughter. His protective love for Ruby melted her. So much so that she was starting to forget why walking away had made so much sense in the first place.

Besides, what had happened with Gabe in the bathroom hadn’t happened again and showed no signs of happening again. As if a silent agreement had been struck between them, they didn’t talk about it, and they didn’t try to recreate it. Whatever attraction continued to simmer had been successfully ignored by both of them.

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