It’s better this way. It’s better this way.

The more I repeated it to myself, the more it seemed like a really sound decision. It felt more mature and logical.

Suddenly, I heard some boys’ voices excitedly chatting. I turned around and saw Riley running with a couple of his classmates.

Then to my horror, he suddenly slipped and banged his head on the edge of one of the tables.

Screams followed. His classmates rushed to his side. I ran toward him, my heart beating very fast, fear squeezing it tightly.

Please be okay, Riley! Please!

I saw him lying on the floor with one side of his head bloodied already. The school nurse was crouching beside him, checking his pulse and trying to talk to him. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t mumbling.

I dropped to my knees and grabbed his hand. “Riley, this is Dad. Can you hear me? Please talk to us.”

“He’s breathing,” the nurse said, her face filled with alarm. “But he’d lost consciousness and the wound on his head is bleeding. We need to get him quick to a hospital.”

Without thinking, I carried him in my arms and ran out of the gym. I wasn’t even aware of the others who followed behind me.

In my head, I was praying, begging God to make him okay. I realized then that Riley was my only family and I loved him more than anything. It was hitting me hard in the face, reminding me that I hadn’t been the best father to him. And now I was hoping it wouldn’t be too late.

On the surface, I appeared calm. But inside, I was in turmoil. My head was spinning. Somehow, somewhere in it, the image of Kayla’s beautiful face appeared.

I have to call her,I thought.

It was as if the universe or some divine being heard me. When I hurried out of the school, there she was, coming toward us on the lawn.

Willard came forward quicker, taking Riley off my arms and rushing him toward my SUV.

Kayla asked me what happened and I gave her the update in a dazed mode. She wanted to come, so I ushered her in, feeling stronger and braver now that she was beside me.

In the car, she whispered in Riley’s ear, but he still didn’t budge. We held hands, our thoughts muddled, but our hearts and spirits were communicating with one another.

I could feel my heart pounding and my mind going crazy. I gazed at Riley, afraid of what could happen. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as the intense fright seemed to crush my chest.

“Everything will be okay,” Kayla whispered to me as she pressed my hand tightly with hers. “He’s going to be okay.”

I nodded, but the fear hadn’t even gone down an inch.

In the hospital, they rushed him into a private area where they said they had to perform some tests and check on his head injury. We couldn’t follow inside.

I could not sit down. I had to keep standing up, moving back and forth, rubbing my hands together. Kayla didn’t try to stop me. She just sat there watching me, letting me be.

Her face was like that of a ghost too. We were both in shock and enveloped with worry.

Finally, I sat down and placed my head in my hands. I felt Kayla’s hand rubbing my back as she tried to comfort me. She didn’t say anything, but her presence was enough.

My chest was bursting with confusion and mixed emotions. “I… I wasn’t a good father…” I stammered, trying to hold back the tears in my eyes.

“Hey… you did your best,” she said in a comforting tone. “This was an accident, and there’s no one to blame here…”

“I… I wasn’t there for him… most of the time…” I whispered, the color draining from my face as a strong wave of emotion seemed to flood me. “I’m so sorry, Riley…”

“Don’t speak as if there’s no more chance for you to show him how much you care and love him,” Kayla said, her voice turning firm and solid despite her own emotional state. “When he’s awake, you’ll get to be with him and tell him all the wonderful and fun things you’ll do together.”

Her words gave me a little bit of comfort. But all my regrets and all the guilt that I’ve been feeling these years were suddenly pouring out like lava from a volcano. I was helpless to stop it. I was being engulfed.

A tear fell down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away. My throat felt dry and heavy from trying to hold back the tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of Kayla. I didn’t want to appear weak.