Page 100 of Mafie Kings

Why does my brain keep slipping into this fog?It’s like I can’t discern what’s in front of me anymore.

“I think I’m losing my mind,” I tell Damien, my voice just above a whisper. “Something doesn’t feel right.” I shake my head.

“You’re probably just tired. Are you still taking your medications?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I shuffle in my seat, not wanting to talk about that with him. “It feels like more than that.”

“It’s probably just the drugs. Doc’s coming over in the morning to look at you. He will probably do a test to figure out what it was. Maybe it’s still in your system?”

“I guess that could be it.” I don’t tell him I’ve been feeling this way for almost a month now. I don’t share how I miss periods of time. Or when they do come back to me, it feels like an out-of-body experience. I don’t tell him because I don’t want him to come to the only conclusion I’ve been able to come to in the past week. That I’m actually going crazy.

“I really want a shower,” I say, opening the door to the car. I let the night air fill my lungs as I lock the worry somewhere deep inside me. Damien follows me to the suite. He heads to his room while I head to mine. Part of me thought he would push to come with me, but I guess after everything that’s happened today that he’s giving me some space.

I grab my meds from my dresser, popping one of the pills that's supposed to help me calm down. I probably shouldn't be taking anything with these drugs still possibly in my system, but I can’t bring myself to care.

Closing the bathroom door behind me, a weight settles on my shoulders as that lock deep inside me starts to break.

Just how often is this really happening to me? How much time am I missing?

As I shower, I think of all the things that could cause this, working myself up to believe I either have a traumatic brain injury or brain cancer. There's really no other option.

My mind is still racing as I dry myself off. That curtain seems to slide over my eyes again as anger settles deep in my gut. I lean on the counter, looking at myself in the slightly fogged mirror. I look over the scars on my body, remembering each one of them. Reminding me of why it’s so hard to feel peace.

I trace my hand over the one just below my left breast. It’s a thick one, it needed stitches badly and was one of the main wounds that almost killed me. By the time I received stitches, the edges had already begun scarring over, skin building on top of skin to seal the gaping hole.

I trail my hand over the front of my shoulder, tracing the scar that’s not nearly as bad, but it’s the one that hurt more than anything else they did to me. It’s a puncture wound with its twin laying on my back directly behind it, and a matching set on the other side of my chest. The doctors were convinced I’d never have full range of motion in my arms again from how much damage was caused by them nailing me to the wall.

It would have been worse if I was suspended in the air, but thankfully I was able to keep my feet under me, even though that was the moment I was beginning to give up. The guards could see it too. They all could. The fire in me was giving out. I’d lost all hope for revenge on them, revenge on the man who killed my parents, revenge on every man who collaborated to put me there. I lost all hope in general. That is, until my uncle came in the next day, slaughtering every man in his wake until he got to me.

The memories threaten to strip my hope from me again as I feel the pit of despair set in. My breaths get shorter and my chest starts to ache. I take a slow breath, just like Lev taught me.

This will not get the better of me.

I decide to distract myself and play some music on my phone when it chimes with a message.

ARROW: Heard what happened today. If/when Bryce makes it back to Elysium, I will keep him detained in the dungeons. Please let me know if there’s anything you need.

A smile spreads across my face and a weird feeling settles into my gut. There are more people on this island who look after me than I’ve ever had in my life.

How does this place feel so much like home even with all of the bad shit that happens?

I throw on my clothes and comb through my hair, trying to focus on the good. My head feels fuzzy but I push past it. I need to get my mind in a good place. As I walk to my bed, I notice Lev’s blanket is missing. Lev’s room is empty when I check it so he didn’t have it.Maybe Damien took it?I knock on his door quietly, just in case he’s asleep.

Startling me, the door swings wide open right away. Damien standing there in sweatpants, his long hair dripping from a fresh shower. Lev’s blanket wrapped tight around him.

“That’s mine,” I say playfully, pointing at the blanket he has wrapped around him like a burrito. His face lifts into a shit-eating grin, leaving me no choice but to mirror it as I reach out in an attempt to grab the blanket from him. Clearly, he expects this because he grabs my arm, pulls me into him, and wraps the blanket around us both before jumping on the bed. I laugh as his body practically crushes me. Something about this man makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

“Fuck, I love that sound,” he says, burying his face in my still-wet hair. “You smell good enough to eat.” He nips at my neck with his teeth, causing goosebumps to race across my skin.

I laugh again. “That’s what happens when you shower.” I playfully bat at his chest as he rolls off of me. This was what I needed. “Why did you steal my blanket?”

He props his head on his hand and turns to face me. “Technically, I didn’t steal it. I borrowed it. Lev is cleaning his other blankets and I was cold. Plus, this one smells like the both of you.”

I turn to face him, mirroring his position. “What do we smell like?” He has my curiosity piqued.

“You smell like strawberries and ice cream,” he says, leaning close to breathe me in. “Lev smells like summer. The two of you together make me think of a picnic on a hillside.” He lays back on the bed, closing his eyes. “It’s relaxing,” he whispers.

I lay next to him, letting him wrap an arm around me and he pulls me close so the blanket covers both of us again.

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