Page 30 of Shake the Spirit

OANA, AKA DRAMA WHORE BATTLES

I’ve never been bribedbefore. It’s much more exciting than getting threatened, yet less cool than being seduced.

Glancing at the man who makes my cherry feel like a burden, I notice him worried. Not a lot, but Ike’s expressive eyes reveal he’s nursing concerns about his aunt’s offer to send me away.

Living far from my family and the Trinity Church does sound like a dream.

However, Ike is the real prize. He’s better than freedom or going wild. He’s the man who desired me, even when my big ideas were just fantasies. I must have seemed so weird out there in the woods. Even so, and despite being drunk, he still never forgot me.

“I can’t in good conscience take your offer,” I tell Justice Bayer. “If I left for greener pastures, Ike would follow. Then, his parents, sister, and brother would be sad without him.”

Journey frowns at her younger sister, who backs away and throws up her hands.

“I was helping,” Justice announces to no one in particular.

“By sending Ike chasing after me to God knows where?” I ask, trying so hard to seem irritated.

“She’s a troublemaker!” Justice cries and hurries to hide behind Court. “I refuse to endure bullying by a weirdo cult chick.”

Journey looks at Poppy to see if she has any ideas. Her youngest sister just shrugs. “What’s the worst that could happen? Ike marries the fundie dork. She has a few semi-odd-looking kids. They break up when she tries to convert him to the doctrine of dork. He divorces her, forcing you to visit your grandkids in the cult’s compound. I’ve heard sadder stories.”

Frowning at the thought of going back to my family, I grab Ike’s hand. He looks at me and smirks.

“Our kids won’t look odd,” he says, ignoring the rest of Poppy’s comment.

“I hope they have your eyes.”

“No, yours are so magical.”

“I feel nauseous,” Edith grumbles.

“Did you also eat refried beans?” I ask, and she glares hard at me. “Is that a yes? I can’t read your face.”

Edith leans closer and growls, “I’m hating on you. That’s what my face is saying.”

“I think maybe you worry I won’t like you. But Ike made you sound cool, so I bet we’ll be best friends. Or at least tightly bonded acquaintances.”

“Stop messing with me, fundie.”

“I can’t help it. Your face inspires an insatiable urge to poke at you.”

“I know, right?” Tuesday cries from her spot. “Edith’s face is super punchable.”

Edith turns around and threatens her cousin, “I’m going to annihilate you.”

“With your heart, I’m sure,” Tuesday says, snickering.

Roxie immediately asks, “How would that work?”

“Baby, you know I have no idea what I’m saying most days.”

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