“Everyone does. And they hate each other. So, when Jimbo goes missing, there’ll be plenty of suspects. With him all butthurt over Irina, suicide might also be a whisper. The old man has plenty of people to point his finger at without the blame landing on us.”
Exhaling deeply, I hate how far away Irina feels right now. It’s like she disappears into another world when she crosses the security gate around the Rogers family estate. I don’t know what she does there. I can’t picture her home beyond the few photos and videos she’s shown me.
Too restless to remain silent, I ask, “Should I ask Irina about the baby or let her tell me on her own time?”
“You seem out of sorts.”
“I don’t know how to do all this commitment shit.”
“Then, maybe you’re not ready.”
“Fuck off,” I mutter, and Ruin chuckles. “You messed up plenty with Selene.”
“Says who?” he demands, losing his smug grin.
“Everyone. We gossip about you whenever you’re out the door.”
Ruin chuckles again and rubs his jaw. “Don’t come at Irina with expectations. I struggled with Selene, assuming I had things figured out. We need to ease into these relationships.”
“I was addicted to Irina right off.”
“You didn’t get a practice wife like I did. You need to let Irina set the pace. Meanwhile, you can kill threats and spend money on her.”
“I don’t want to mess up shit.”
“I nearly fucked up things with Selene by trying to control everything. So, keep your eyes on the prize and be patient.”
Despite his good advice, I can’t settle down. I grew up feeling like I couldn’t do anything right. As if my very existence ruined lives. My only success came from fighting for the Steel Berserkers Motorcycle Club. To win, we ruined more lives. I killed people both in battle and like I plan to with Jimbo. Those are my great accomplishment in life.
So maybe I don’t deserve Irina or the baby she might be carrying. However, I plan to be stubborn like Ruin and claim my prizes, whether I’m worthy or not.
IRINA
I’m probably too excitedabout my spa day with Wynonna and the other women. In high school, I wasn’t unpopular, but I never had any great friendships. After Owen was born and my friends went to college, I met a few fellow moms. I couldn’t really connect with them on more than a superficial level. In fact, I started worrying that I wasn’t right inside.
With Owen, I could be myself. Fiona allowed the same freedom. Now, I’m learning to trust Eagle. Yet, I’m nervous about entering an established friend group. That’s why I hope Fiona will agree to come along.