Page 133 of Pieces We Keep

Closing her eyes, Irina exhales deeply. “I went to the bathroom not that long after delivery. Everyone was having a great time, barely noticing me now that I’d served my purpose. I was angry, and my feelings were hurt.”

Her blue eyes open and watch me. “I walked back out to find everyone gone. Well, not Owen. They claimed later that they thought I should rest. Except the baby was awake and fussy. They just wanted to leave and get something to eat. I must have seemed pathetic. The nurse came in and promised to help me that night. She felt sorry for me in a way none of my family did.”

As our baby moves against my hand, Irina and I share a smile.

“Did you feel that?” she asks, and I nod. “She’s going to love you so much.”

Grinning, I kiss Irina and wish we could stick with this relaxed moment. Except I’m not supposed to distract her from grieving.

“What happened that first night with Owen?” I ask once my lips free hers.

“He was hungry, and I’d gotten a lot of pressure to breastfeed. The nurse said if I fed him that he’d sleep. I was sick of hearing him whine. That sounds cruel, I know.”

“You’d just had a baby and were feeling overwhelmed.”

Irina nods at my reasoning. “I held him in my arms that first time. They never gave him to me after he was born. I think the families sort of took over. So that was my first time really feeling him in my arms. He was so funny looking.”

Laughing, Irina mimics the newborn by making goofy faces and smacking her lips. “Like he was feeling weird out in the world. I couldn’t believe he was mine. From across the room, he seemed like a screaming tomato. Up close, he was beautiful and silly, and I loved him immediately.”

Irina exhales deeply as tears fill her eyes. “And he’s gone. He isn’t out in the world somewhere. He’s just gone. I never again get to hold him.”

Her words come out in a defeated tone, and her eyes remain filled with tears. Yet, I hear a sad acceptance in her voice. She owns her pain like she hasn’t since her little boy was lost forever.

That’s the turning point for Irina. Not that she doesn’t cry when she watches videos or get agitated when she’s around her friends’ little ones.

Irina isn’t over her grief, but she’s moved past hiding from it.

IRINA

The first time I sawEagle, he wore an annoyed scowl. I should have felt intimidated by such a large, angry man. Instead, I sensed he was a kindred spirit. That’s why I needed to meet him. Together, we had the power to heal our long-festering wounds.

My instincts were correct. Without Eagle at my side, I doubt I’d be capable of facing the pain from my past. So often, I feel like I’m sinking into a pit with no escape. Yet, he’s always at my side, ready to save me.

Eagle’s an impressive man physically. I’m still in awe of his beauty. However, his heart is what makes him irresistible. He embraces Owen as part of the family, even adding a picture of my son and me to the Pigsty’s hallway where the other members hang their photos.

I’ll never stop wondering if I could have saved Owen and my unborn daughter if I’d stood up to Steve. Time and therapy can’t erase all the pain. Now, though, I can think of Owen without the crippling grief and regret.

---