Page 81 of Pieces We Keep

Except when I hinted at staying home, Steve got angry, and I lost my voice.

Standing on the Pigsty’s back deck, I can’t catch my breath. I keep screaming at the woman in my memory to speak up.If she says the words, Owen grows up.

Right now, I’m trapped between the past and present. The women nearby and their kids are a reminder of what I lost. I feel awkward around them.

Wynonna could probably tell I was pregnant from all the tummy rubbing I do. It’s a bad habit. I keep checking to see if the baby is still there. Much like after the accident when I needed to remind myself how my daughter was gone.

Owen’s voice traps me in the past. The judgment of these people prevents me from digging my way out of the pain. I feel like I’m suffocating under my growing panic.

Eagle’s lips cover mine, startling me from the grief. His arms feel like a blanket smothering my cold panic. I lean into his embrace, breathing at his pace. When his lips leave mine, I find my vision has cleared.

“Why do you looked scared?” he whispers as his arms trap me against his strong body.

“It’s the holidays,” I say as I stare into his eyes. “And the kids are Owen’s age.”

Eagle scans the deck as if he can erase what’s triggering me. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my cheek on his chest.

“I’ve hidden myself away for a long time, Eagle. I think I’d be okay if Fiona needed my attention. With no distractions, I’m overwhelmed.”

“I can distract you.”

Grinning, I slide my hands into his back pockets. “I need to focus on you and keep my eye on the prize.”

Eagle’s smirk digs past my wariness and makes my heart race. He’s so handsome, and his eyes are downright hypnotic when he directs all his attention on me.

“Do you think we should move Fiona to a room?” Eagle asks while the party goes on around us.

“No, she likes feeling included, even if she can’t really join in,” I reply and then ask, “What did you two really talk about alone?”

“She loves you, and she knows I love you. So instead of battling over you, we’ve agreed to share.”

His words cut through the remaining layer of my panic. I’d worried they would hate each other, forcing me to choose between my favorite people.

Hugging him tighter, I feel centered again. Yet, as soon as I step away from Eagle, I get lightheaded and want to run away.

By the time dinner is ready, a groggy Fiona can sit upright. With so many people eating, everyone is split up into groups. The quietest people seem to be assigned to our area. Yazmin and Selene barely speak except to whisper to each other. They’re so effortlessly beautiful that I keep fixing my hair as if that’ll erase my insecurities.

I finally just focus on Fiona who wants to try all the food since she’s never celebrated Thanksgiving before. Despite nibbling at things, Fiona seems too drugged to really experience the day.

“Are you having fun?” I ask after she gives up on eating.

“I got to meet Eagle,” she whispers and runs her hand across my belly.

I’m impressed by how direct her gaze is right now. We do daily eye exercises to keep her from losing her sight, yet Fiona doesn’t like having her eyes open. She’s afraid of pain, so she hides in the dark.

Right now, she looks into my eyes and smiles. I’m surprised she didn’t say anything to Eagle about the baby. Without me even asking her to keep my secret, Fiona understood what I needed. Sometimes, I’m blind to how she’s a grown woman capable of maneuvering her surroundings.

“You’re getting your second chance,” she whispers before closing her eyes and taking my hand.

I think about her words for the rest of the meal. I’m so out of sorts that I really can’t enjoy this experience. Today should make me happy. Eagle’s invited me into his private world. Most of the people at the Pigsty today are lifelong friends and family. He’s showing me off like a man in love.

Plus, Fiona and Eagle aren’t prickly toward each other. She’s been so brave outside her safe space. I have zero complaints about today.

Yet, my panic lingers. I’m certain I’m about to ruin my life. I’ll disappoint Eagle and choose wrong like I did with Owen. My baby won’t be born.How can I survive losing everything again?

For over a decade, I prepared myself to live romance-free. I never considered another child. I was fully committed to growing old with Fiona.

Now, I’ve gotten stars in my eyes. I can picture a new future with the man I love, a happy baby, and a home. Fiona can live with us away from her terrible family.

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