Page 68 of Never Say Never

Funny how I’ve missed something I never thought about, never even really registered on a conscious level.

“Your body, your rules,” I say, “But yeah, I want to know. I’m staying.”

And I know I mean more than just here and now.

No matter what happens. In an hour, a year, a lifetime. I’m staying. I’ll be part of her life as long as she’ll have me.

“Excellent.” The doctor stands but motions for us to remain seated. “The technician will be in shortly and the nurse. I’ll see you after.”

She leaves and I blow out air as I take a look at Brandi. “You okay?”

She’s pale, and I swear she’s sweating in the cold room. Her hair is damp, and I can feel her heart thumping through our still-connected hands.

“I’m not going to break, Travis.” The softness of her words crack something in me. There’s a weariness, a weight I want to ease, and I can’t.

“I’m more than aware you’re strong, baby. More than I think you know.” In my pocket the fucking phone buzzes again and I ignore it. “And I mean it, I’m here for you and the baby, no matter what.”

Brandi doesn’t move her hand and I’d give almost anything to have her slide a little closer to me on the chair. For her to turn her head toward me so I can kiss away her worries.

She doesn’t know I drive by her little house when I’m going on or off shift. If I’m in the area, I do the same thing when I’m working.

And I do it whether she’s at home or not.

“I’m… right now I’m a mess,” she says, her voice so soft I almost miss it. “Tired, emotional, a see-saw of nausea. You name it, that’s me. Right now? I feel like I could pass out from the exhaustion. And I miss you. More than you could possibly know or understand.”

I go entirely still.

“But this is the right thing. I got lost in you. And I can’t have that. I can’t be lost. I can’t lose myself to be the sweet thing you need. The woman who’s perfect and agreeable. You deserve perfect. With your life full of so much, you need one simple thing. It’s just... Your twin, Jessica, I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel, but I’m not going to compete with all of that. And right now…” She shrugs and glances at me. “I can’t. I don’t have it in me.”

My phone starts again and I pull it out to switch it to silent. “Brandi—”

“Oh, good, there’s mommy and daddy,” an impossibly bouncy voice says as a nurse bustles in, followed by the tech who wheels in a machine that makes my heart stutter in my chest.

It’s stupid, I know, but this is my baby, the woman I want to reclaim as my own, and big machines and the antiseptic smell of hospitals make for a stress-laden combination. Especially when things are so up in the air.

I stand, feeling completely useless as they fuss over Brandi. As the nurse talks to her in that bouncy voice, the technician sets up the machine. Maybe I should have gotten Tyler in, put aside everything so I’d have a medical expert in here to walk me through this like the idiot I am.

As opposed to the two in here now that are working in their actual fields of expertise.

Christ.

I run a hand over my face.

Happy moments, right?

Brandi’s big green eyes touch mine and everything in me jumps and then calms. And I go back to her, take her hand whether she wants me to or not. I do it because I have to, I need to and she… she squeezes my fingers back.

“Okay, Mommy, this is going to be cold…” The nurse beams.

They squirt some kind of liquid on her gently swollen belly. She’s so thin I’m positive I can see more than I should, that the bump shouldn’t be so noticeable. I narrow my eyes at my wife—she’s still my fucking wife and she’s going to stay that way if I have a say—was always tiny, compact, fit. Now she’s skin and bone and slightly gaunt.

“You’ve lost a little weight. Maybe you should increase the protein a little,” the nurse says, and Brandi’s cheeks turn red.

“I’m… morning sickness.”

My own stomach lurches.

Liar, I want to say as the guilt comes crushing down. It’s because of me. Because of my assholery and fucking shit up between us. That’s why she’s so skinny. One more way I’m ruining things and not paying attention to the woman who owns me.

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