Page 39 of Never Say Never

But he doesn’t let me go and I know I should walk away, do as he says so I don’t start a fight. I don’t move. I stand there like an idiot, taking in the warmth of his touch like it’s a lifeline I need.

His eyes lock on mine. “Why do I get the feeling that it’s not okay?”

“It is,” I say, pushing the words out over a dry throat and an upset stomach. “I’m just…”

I don’t know how to finish the sentence without sounding crazy, without sounding weird and insecure.

“Tired,” I finally settle on. “Tired and pregnant, and feeling all of it, that’s all.”

“Well, go sit. I’ll have dinner for us soon.”

I don’t think I make it to dinner before I’m asleep in bed.

But when I feel him slide into me later, there’s no doubt that our bodies were created to fit together.

The sex is amazing. No matter how else I may feel during random times, no matter the insecurities that come hand in hand with my shyness, no matter the guilt that doesn’t quite go away or the nagging feeling that we moved way too fast, the sex is phenomenal.

Mind-blowing.

I know that.

Travis does things to me, reaches down into my soul in a way that no one else ever has. It isn’t his size or how we somehow fit or my sex drive that has ticked upward recently.

It is him. How he makes me feel.

Naked. Flesh against flesh, when he’s buried inside me, nothing else matters. Reality and all the rest of its messiness melts away for those moments of exquisite beauty.

If at times I feel overwhelmed, or I can’t shake the feeling he’s distracted by something that isn’t work, something that brings a shadow to his blue eyes; when we are in bed together, that fades. The only thing that overwhelms me is the impending orgasm. The distractions and shadows all cease to be and I wish I can stay there in his arms forever so I don’t have to think about anything else.

But I can’t and I do.

There’s a humming strain between us at times, one I can’t pinpoint, one I don’t know how to fix.

Maya would tell me I need to get my self-worth in check because I deserve everything that I think I don’t. Maya would tell me that marriage brings with it shifting mountains of things you never even expect. That there are all sorts of adjustment periods you never think will come. And that having a baby on top of it just adds to the confusion and stress.

I know that, because Maya literally said those exact words. I sigh quietly as I look for a place to park on the street, my little car not loving the cold and the rain that’s spitting from the sky.

Still, it’s Saturday and I have a standing lunch date with my best friend. Maya will sit there and help me work through all my roundabout thought processes, but I decide to keep them to myself today. She doesn’t need to stress about my crazy pregnant brain or the fact that I’m pretty sure Travis thinks he made a mistake.

I spy a parking spot and pull in, then gather my bag and umbrella and climb out, locking up behind me. It’s a little late in the afternoon for lunch, but I don’t mind. Maya is busy and I worked late the night before so it’s perfect. I flick open the umbrella and make my way toward the little café nestled between a florist and a bookstore.

People are out and about today, more than usual. Probably because holidays lurk a few weeks away, so there’s shopping and get-togethers, not to mention tourists. So it’s lucky we’d decided not to head to the mall. The main street strip is always a nice place to be anyway, even on wet, dreary days like this one.

A familiar form catches my eye and I stop, my heart lurching. He isn’t close but from where I stand, I recognize the height and breadth and the blond of his hair. Travis.

I start to raise my hand to him, thinking he got off work early when I see he isn’t alone.

My heart hammers.

Travis. My husband. The father of my baby is there, turning from me and walking away with a small woman on his arm. One with long blonde hair. One I’d never met but know anyway.

It’s Jessica.

His ex-wife.

12

TRAVIS

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