Page 87 of Never Give Up

Next to my hand.

He’s squeezing now. Squeezing hard enough that I can’t even gasp for air.

My mouth is gaping open, and I’m trying. I’mreallytrying to take a deep breath.

But nothing comes.

Instead, I close my eyes and reach for the knife.

If I’m going, I’m going to take him with me.

It’s easier to stab someone than I thought it would be.

Too bad I’m too far gone to save myself.

* * *

Brian

Our phones vibrateat the same time, and I look at the screens while Jake drives. “That’s my girl. That’s my fucking girl,” I say aloud. “Her phone is still on, and there was a 9-1-1 call that pinged out of Penobscot.” I’ve never felt so relieved in my life.

If she was able to call for help, that means she’s alive.

Jake takes his phone right out of my hand. “Don’t try calling back. You might be putting her in danger. We’re on our way, Brian.” He sets it down, and I eye the phone like the lifeline it is.

“I know. But she’salive, Jake.” I’m celebrating in my head. “We can handle anything he’s done to her. I just need to get her back.”

“Do you mean that? You can handle anything that he’s done to her?” Jake steals a glance at me, and I see that there’s something lurking there in his eyes.

“Of course I can,” I snap. “I love her. What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? What do you know?”

“I know how bad he hurt her the first time, and I know that she hasn’t told you all of it.” Jake looks like he doesn’t want to be talking about it at all, let alone while we are on the way to try and save her from a madman.

“What do you mean? He almost killed her, Jake. I know how bad it was.” There’s a knot forming in my stomach, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Maya can’t have kids, Brian,” Jake mutters. “Something about how he stabbed her. They said there were some sort of complications, and they don’t think she’ll ever be able to have children as a result.” As soon as Jake says it, I burst out laughing as more relief pours through my body.

“You’re kidding me, right? I knew that, but why would I care about that?” My heart races as every conceivable thought of danger and what Jake could have said filters through my brain. But I never imagined that my friend might bring up the most painful thing in the world for the woman I love.

“What do you mean, you knew?” Jake is bewildered.

“Of course I did. But she’s fucking perfect to me.” I mean it when I say, “Maya’s heart is already broken enough about what happened to her. I know she hates it, and I catch her staring in the mirror, holding her stomach like she’s pregnant. I know that she’s afraid, that she’s pissed. I know that she has feelings that I will never, in my entire life, understand because it didn’t happentome. But that’s not my story to tell, nor is it something that I need to explain, man.” I sigh and run a hand across my neck. “To be honest, I don’t care about having more kids. That’s not why I’m with her. And if Maya wants more, we’ll adopt or do whatever we have to so that I can give her that.”

“How did you know?”

“She told me before the trip. I don’t give a shit about any of it. I care abouther.Jake. I can’t lose her.”

“Brian?” Jake sounds hesitant, and I know that there’s something else he’s thinking about.

“Yeah?”

“I know this isn’t the right time, but I think I’m in love.” The words sound like they’re torn from my friend’s throat. “And I’m pretty sure that she’s gonna break my heart.”

“It’s gonna be okay.” I’m not sure if I’m talking to him or to myself. “We’ll get my girl back, and then I’ll help you get your head on straight about the woman who’s got you in knots.” I almost laugh at the ludicrous conversation that we are having while racing down the road on our way to save Maya.

“Brian?” Jake tears me out of my reverie when he says my name again.

“Yeah?” I cough.

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