Page 7 of Never Give Up

“Maybe you should take a sick day,” he counters. “You can call me if you need anything, and I’ll bring it over for you. Just stay in the house and lock the door. Rest. Maybe buy a new bedroom set or something.”

He pushes off the couch and my stomach twists with a sudden desire to reach for him again. He might not want me, but I will always want him.

His short brown hair with the beginning signs of gray coming in at the edges give away his age at thirty-seven. But more than that, those streaks give him an extra something that calls to me. Something that demands I sit up and listen when he speaks.

It’s too much to take.

Before Jake comes back, I decide to call Brian on the shit. “We’re not really friends, are we?”

He shifts, and it’s all I can do not to take the words back or shut down even more than I already have. “Of course we are.” He clears his throat. “But I think you need some time to adjust and handle everything going on.”

“You think I need to handle my feelings?”

“You’re under pressure right now, Maya.” He spreads a hand, motioning around us like the living room offers an explanation of what’s happening to me. “You know how something like this affects people, and—”

“Bullshit. That’s bullshit, Brian.” I close my eyes to get away from the patronizing look on his face. “You think I crossed a line by telling you how I feel, and you’re shutting me out.”

“I’m not. We need space—”

“Space? I need space from my feelings? From you?” I laugh humorlessly. “My night can’t get any worse. I don’t need space from my feelings, Brian. And I don’t need to be told how I feel by you.”

“Maya…” Brian trails off.

“Not only that, but I got your message loud and clear. Actually, no. You’re right, Brian.” The anger bubbles up and washes over me, spilling out words. “I don’t want to be a side note in someone’s life, the way you keep people. The way you keptme. Sure, you’re the one who helped me see I deserved more. I am worth so much more than being treated like I don’t know myself. Like I don’t matter. But I’m beginning to think you’re not.”

“Maya—”

“You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and what’s worse is that Iletyou make me feel that way. So no, I don’t need anything from you, Brian. Not space, not time, not so-called friendship on a string. You’ve done enough. You’re not even the deputy assigned to this call, so you don’t have to stay and pretend to care.”

The words hang there and slowly sink down as he closes his eyes for a brief moment.

“Maya, please,” he finally says, quietly. “We’re still friends. Just because you’re confused about how you feel about me doesn’t mean that our friendship has to be over. Think about it. We’ve been there for each other through so much shit. You just projected emotions on to me.” He looks at me like he has it all figured out. Like he knows exactly what is going on in my head—and it just makes me angrier.

“I’m not a child.” How the hell can he just say all that after… after everything I said? Not just dismiss my feelings, but tell me what I meant.

“I didn’t say you were.”

I eye him up and down, almost shaking with fury. “You spoke to me like one. You’re telling me how I feel. You’re telling me that I’m wrong. I’m not. And I didn’t ask or beg you for a chance. You’re the one who brought it up.”

“If you think that,” he says, his tone mild, “maybe that’s how you know you’re acting. You’re young and can have anyone. I told you—”

“Leave, Brian.” I’ve gone beyond anger now, and all the rage simmering in my body from years of being told that I don’t know something just because I’m a girl comes pouring out. “You don’t know anything about what I feel, because if you did you wouldn’t have just said all that. You were there for me through the divorce, yeah. But that was a year ago. And have you stopped talking to me every day you work since then? No. You’re chicken. So leave. I don’t need you in my life.” The blood pounds in my ears. “I’m done.”

I’m so upset over the fact that I have to effectively close the door on the most important friendship in my life, all because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, on top of the bullshit night I’ve had since I got off work. Because I have to do it, I don’t have a choice. To stay and pretend to be happy only ever being Brian’s friend would tear me into tiny pieces.

I’d rather tear my heart out of my chest and hold it in the palm of my hand than put myself throughthattorture.

As I look directly into his eyes and try to find the words, I see the split second he realizes I’m walking away.

“Maya.” He reaches for me, and I back away from him.

For the first time, he seems to understand that I really am done. That he’s succeeded in pushing me away.

Brian doesn’t say a single word as he moves to do what I asked. He does touch my shoulder gently as he moves past me on his way to the front door, offering comfort in that small exchange.

Immediately, I’m slammed with the urge to call out an apology to his retreating back. I’m not that pathetic, though, and I stand there fighting the rush of emotions.

Jake’s still standing there, too distracted by the conversation on his phone to pay attention to the drama unfolding quietly between Brian and me.

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