Page 66 of Never Give Up

I force myself to smile at them, and it isn’t long before they’re smiling back at me, agreeing and making plans for what else we can do. By the time Brian returns, the tension in the truck is almost completely gone and we’ve got an entire day full of things to do.

What I haven’t told the boys is that those things we’re planning will also make it so that I don’t go running from the house in a panic.

“No one’s here.” Brian opens my door for me. “Let’s get you guys inside.” Not a hint of a smile graces his face. When the boys walk inside ahead of us, he stops me with a hand on my arm. “Maya, stay here. Let’s talk for a minute.”

“Brian…” I gesture to the door but can’t make myself look at it again. The word turns my stomach and makes me want to heave.

It could be from some kids, but it doesn’t look like it is. And that word… it isn’t something kids would write. My stomach turning and the fear sitting in the base of my neck tells me exactly who did it. I shiver, an icy coldness spreading through my veins.

“Yeah, I know. I’m going to go to the store and get some paint so we can get this cleaned up,” Brian says. “Why don’t you make some cookies with the boys and I’ll take them home when this is done. You should come with us, if you’re okay with that. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but I called Jake already. He took a report and is on his way here as soon as he finishes the call he’s on. Once we get there, then I’ll go to get the stuff. But I gotta ask, Maya, why this word?”

“Kismet… oh, hell.” My voice vanishes on a choke.

No wonder I know it washim. Not just instinct. I know who it was because a memory from that night burst back into life. And panic, like bile, rises hot and burning in my throat. “The word, it’s something he said to methen.”

His eyes dart back and forth, and he’s brushing a strand of hair away from my face. “That wasn’t in your report. I need to know exactly what it had to do with that night.” He looks angry, and I rush to go on the defensive, hands tightening at my sides.

Swallowing down the fear, and the rising anger at the fact that he doubts me, I take a deep breath before answering. “I didn’t remember, Brian. Not until I saw the word on the wall, like it was written in my blood.” I don’t want to remember that night, and talking about what my attacker said hurts more than I thought it would. Especially with Brian.

“Maya, he almost killed you. Anything that happened, I need to know so that I can tell Jake. Better yet, you can tell Jake when he gets here and keep me out of it.”

I can’t. First one memory and then another, things I’ve buried somehow are now rising and bubbling to the surface of my conscience and they threaten all my hard work at recovery.

“I can’t.” I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to block out the memories. “I don’t want to do this. I can’t do this. Do you think I’m lying to you?” Even as I ask the question, I know that I’m not prepared for him to doubt me.

He’s not just another deputy. This is Brian.

“No, I don’t.” Anger stings his words, even as his voice grows softer.

With any other man it would mean that he’s preparing for me to be stubborn and not give him answers. But not with Brian. With him, it means that he’s getting angrier and about to get scary.

I fold in on myself, wrapping my arms around my chest even tighter, then look to the ground in an attempt to protect myself. “He said it was kismet, that I selected him, and he would never have seen me and we wouldn’t have had our moment. But I have no idea what he meant.” He’s there, folding me in his embrace, offering me the support I need even if I’m not prepared to accept it.

“Maya, I think you should stay with me and the boys. They can share a room so you don’t have to sleep in my bed.” He must have picked up on my emotions because he visibly calms down and forcibly relaxes his position. “I don’t mean just for tonight but longer. Until we catch him.”

“Brian, I’m not going to be scared away from my house. And I’m not leaving my roommate alone when she gets back from her trip. Plus, we have cameras. So we have to have him on there. All of this could be over before we go to bed tonight.”

“Then until she comes back into town, Maya.” He’s ignoring my statement about it being over, and I can’t blame him.

“I don’t want to be afraid, Brian. That’s just living my life in fear of what comes next.”

“Better fear than dead.” He doesn’t let go, even when I push back. “I mean it, Maya.” Brian kisses me then, erasing the doubt I’ve started to feel about last night being a good idea.

“I’ll think about tonight.” I breathe in and unfold my arms when he steps back. “Now, the boys and I are going to make cookies. Then we’re going to watch some movies. You’re welcome to join if you’d like to, but I think the boys need this just as much as I do. You can leave them here if you like—”

“I’m not putting my family in danger.” There’s something in his eyes when he says that. Something I’m going to obsess and overthink later until I’m blue in the face. But right now, I’m going to make cookies. Later. Later I can think about the fact that being around me puts his boys in danger. And that’s something I won’t ever let happen.

Jake pulls into the driveway then, saving me from opening my mouth and asking a ridiculous question, like what he meant by that.

Brian sighs. “I’ve got to get the paint and I’ll grab some pizza while I’m out.” He looks at me, and the heat in his eyes has nothing to do with anger. Instead, it makes a rising warmth coil in my stomach. “I’ll be back. Jake shouldn’t have a problem waiting until I get here.”

“Okay, you two monsters,” I call through the window where the boys stand, noses pressed to the screen, “let’s get started with the cookies.”

Brian leaves after a short exchange of words with Jake.

He looks at me, but makes no move to come into the kitchen. “Maya—”

“Want some cookies?” I cut him off, not willing to have this discussion in front of the boys.

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