Page 38 of Never Give Up

“I’m giving her time.” But that feels weak, pathetic. An excuse.

Jake’s eyes narrow. “Because some fucker hurt her?”

“No.” My hand curls. “I’m too old and she wants kids and I—”

“Bull. Shit.”

Too many emotions swirl in me and I don’t know what to do. I want her, have for a long time, but I also know that she needs to heal. And now?

Maya definitely won’t want me.

Ever.

“Jake, I don’t want to lose her, and I don’t know how to fight for her. Tell me what I should do here.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do if I was in your position so I can’t give you advice.” He runs a hand through his hair. “This is hard, man. I mean, it’s going to be a long road for her, and the last thing that should be on her mind is mending idiotic fences with you. She didn’t even want to hear your name when I picked her up for work yesterday.” Jake looks down at his hands. “But I know she still cares.”

“I know that,” I say after a moment. I stare at my friend. Jake will never lie to protect me. “How did she look?”

And I wait for the hit to come.

“Honestly, she looks exhausted. I mean, she’s putting on a brave face, but I don’t know how she’s doing it right now. What she needs is to be holed up in bed with one of her books, not sitting at work dealing with all the crazy there.” Jake takes the file from me and puts it back on the table. “And she looks like she’s been to hell and back and somehow survived. But yeah. Exhausted.”

“I don’t know what to do, Jake. Paul wants me to leave her alone, but I can’t do that.” Hanging my head in my hands, I take a few deep breaths before continuing. “Ashley offered to help with the boys, but… I resent her. I think if I’d justnotstarted with her, I would have been able to give Maya the love she needed when I met her.”

Jake doesn’t say a word but he hears a bunch anyway, like how that resentment might have started when I had met Maya. Sure, my relationship had been in the end stages, but I’d taken longer than I should have to end it.

Jake just looks at me, waiting for the next bit of information, but when I don’t go on, he prompts, “Well?”

I know what Jake is asking, but I don’t have an answer to how that fits in with me winning Maya back, or over, or back.

“Fuck.” I wish I hadn’t started talking. “I’m going to figure this out.”

Jake stares at me. “You’re telling me this why?”

“Because who else is there to tell?”

Jake presses his lips together and shakes his head. “You’re an asshole.”

“I’m being honest.” I draw in a breath and ask the question that’s hovering on the edge of my mind. “Do you think that I should stay away from her?”

Jake nods.

I glare at my friend. That’snotwhat I thought he’d say. “You want me to keep away from her.”

“Because you’re an arrogant asshole, Brian. I think Maya deserves a man who can be honest with her and himself.”

“I am,” I say. And I go right back to a safer topic. “The boys helped straighten the house and the room and last night…” I can’t help but laugh and shake my head. “James was so excited about getting his own space, he was laughing while throwing all of Jonathan’s things into the hallway. It took me and Jonathan the majority of the night to get his space right, but by the time they were ready to get into bed, both boys were in different rooms.”

Jake sighs and smiles. “Let me guess, they couldn’t bear it.”

“I got up in the middle of the night and found them camped out in their doorways, holding hands.”

“Good thing their rooms are right next to each other.”

“After I made sure they each had a pillow and a blanket, I left them there. This morning, neither acted like anything had happened.”

“At least there’s some good still left in the world. Well, you should be there for them,” Jake says. “Give Maya your honesty. Give her the truth. It may not seem like it, but that girl is stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. She stared into the faces of everyone she works with, knowing they know she went through this terrible thing, and then they just watched her transform. She didn’t let anything crush her resolve yesterday, Brian.”

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