Page 32 of Never Give Up

Yeah, I could see him, the arrogant ego coming out and blaming himself to feel better over rejecting me. Maybe that is mean, but I suspect that is true.

It is easier, isn’t it, to rampage than do the decent thing of seeing me, or even sending me a damn card or something.

No, I am not falling down the Brian well again, not when I am up at the top, clinging, almost out.

I take a breath to steady myself. “Okay, his problems are his own, not mine.”

“Maya, Brian’s convinced it’s his fault you were attacked. And he hates that I’m the one investigating. He feels like he’s useless. I don’t blame him. I’d be worse than he is now if something happened to the woman I—” He cuts himself off there, but his unspoken words hang in the air.

Rejected. That’s what he was going to say. That’s the only word he could possibly add to the end of that.

Anger bubbles high. “He’s a grown man, Jake. With children. He needs to deal with his issues himself. It’s not my job to do it for him.”

He glances over at me again and grabs my hand, giving it a small squeeze before letting it fall back in my lap.

“And,” I say, “I haven’t sent him away when he’s come to visit. I haven’t begged him to leave me alone. I haven’t done anything but try and get better.”

“I know, but I—”

“This isn’t about Brian. It’s about me. If he feels guilt, he needs to deal with it like an adult and not pin it on me and what happened.”

I don’t explain what I mean by my words. Jake can take that however he wants to. But I am not there to help anyone through this, through Brian’s reaction to me telling him I want more, or through Jake’s concern over his friend. I only have room for myself.

Brian cares. I know that.

Just like I know he doesn’t care the way I want.

Not really.

And now…

“I need to concentrate on getting better. I need to be safe, and I need to find something to be happy about. To live for. So I need you not to worry about me. There’s only one thing I’m asking—I need you to find the man who tried to take everything from me.”

It is easier to change the subject than to continue talking about Brian. I don’t want to think any more than I do on how he’s broken my heart, either. Not only that, but I definitely don’t need someone trying to tell me to somehow makeBrian’slife better.

I can’t even do that for myself.

For a moment it looks like Jake is going to argue. But he doesn’t. He nods.

“Maya, I’m not going to stop until I find him. None of us are. Understand?”

“Yes.”

And I hope like hell they will.

Because if they don’t, it means my nightmares are going to come true.

11

MAYA

I lookout the windows and marvel at the view. Maine really is beautiful during the summer. The trees surrounding the residence we pull up to block the view of the house.

The foliage is bright green, and when Jake gets out of the cruiser to do his job, the birds chirping and waves crashing on the shore nearby soothe a little.

It is the best part about living close to an ocean. I force myself to appreciate the view and to push thoughts of Brian out of my mind.

It is hard to do. I stay in my seat, waiting for Paul, as more vehicles pull into the driveway, and the deputies get out one at a time.

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