Page 24 of Never Give Up

Brian’s out there.

While I’m in here, being told I can’t have babies, and while I’m dealing with an interrogation, he’s out there.

“If you’re uncomfortable at all, just tell me and I’ll have them removed.”

I can’t find my voice, so I just nod while I choke back a sob.

But I have a question.

One that I can’t ask, because I don’t want to insult him.

“Birch PD aren’t taking it, and after the initial interview, I won’t be leading it either.” Jake clears his throat, shuffling from foot to foot. “The state police will handle it, since we’re all biased and connected to you.”

I nod again, reaching up to wipe the tears from my eye with the hand that isn’t stuck in a cast.

“Did this start as voluntary?” He doesn’t meet my eyes. “Was it a game that got out of hand?”

“No! Jake, oh my God. No.” Revulsion tears into me, making the pain worse.

How can he even ask?

His face turns six different shades of red as I glare at him through the tears.

“Maya, I told you I have to ask these questions. I know you. I work with you. I know for a fact that you would never do this. But if I don’t ask these questions, it can be construed like I didn’t do my job correctly. I want to do everything by the book so that when we catch the monster who did this, there’s no one who can say we didn’t follow protocol.”

I know all that, and even though I know he’s doing it in an attempt to protect me and save me from someone else seeing me at my weakest, I wish it was a stranger in the room.

Sighing in frustration, I hope and pray that my pain medication will let me fall asleep. “No, Jake. It wasn’t voluntary. I didn’t know him. It didn’t start as a game. I’m not seeing anyone at all. I wasn’t talking to anyone. I’m not even on any dating sites. I don’t know how he found me. I don’t know why I let this happen to me.” I tense, fear and anger flushing through my veins.

“It’s never the victim’s fault. You know that. You didnotbring this on yourself. You didnotallow this to happen.”

He searches my face and continues.

“I see those bruises, Maya. Iseethem. You fought. And you fought like hell. You broke your damn arm trying to fight him off. I see the purple and black bruises around your throat. I can only imagine the torture you went through at his hands. You survived. Don’t ever be ashamed of that. And don’t let anyone make you think that you did this to yourself. You’re more than that.” As he finishes, I start sobbing in earnest, and he pulls me into his arms.

I bury my head against his chest and cry for what seems like forever, and Jake just holds me through all of it.

When I’m able to pull myself together, he asks, “Do you want to stop for now?”

I sniffle. “Just keep going. Before I change my mind.”

When Jake finishes asking his questions, he tells me no matter what was taken from me, I can get it back. He asks me to sign a consent form to release my medical records so they can use it in the police report for my case. Without even thinking about it, I sign. He tells me that it means the extent of my injuries will become a matter of public record as part of the case.

I know all of that. One day, if they get them, then everyone will know.

Every single humiliating, terrifying moment.

All for them to judge.

I’ll be forced to relive the trauma.

The fear that he’d take the last thing that is only mine to give.

I close my eyes. So much has been taken from me in such a small amount of time I don’t even know how to begin to process it.

And the hours tick on. The doctors come and tell me that before I’m released, I’ll be seeing a trauma counselor.

At some point, I get more pain medication, and I’m thrilled to tell my brain that I’ll be numb to the aches in my body as soon as it kicks in.

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