Page 49 of Never Give Up

I swallow the enormous ball of emotion I feel like I’m choking on and nod, barely moving my head. “So what changed?”

“Nothing changed except me trying and failing miserably to pull my head out of my ass. You’re not there. I pick up my phone and I send you a text, and you answer. But it’s not the same. It’s not how it used to be. You talk to me on the radio or at work, but it’snot the same. When you were attacked, I lost my shit because I could have lost you.”

“Brian,” I say, standing on legs that shake, “I don’t know what I need. I know what I want, but those aren’t always the same things. What I do know, and what might hurt for you to hear, is that I can’t chance you waking up tomorrow and deciding that you made a mistake. That you don’t want me after all. I wouldn’t survive that. I’ve got to get back to work. Maybe we can talk later.”

And I walk out, leaving him standing in the kitchen. The entire time, my heart is racing and my palms are sweating. I can’t believe that I actually said all of what I was feeling.

The biggest surprise of all?

I meant it when I told him that we can talk. If he meant what he said… maybe.

No.

I shut down that train of thought because that’s how I got my heart broken in the first place.

17

MAYA

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”Poppy waves. “Don’t get in too much trouble.” In her hands is a giant can of silly string and a massive streamer roll. “Also, maybe don’t mention that I’m going in here.” She nods toward the men’s locker room.

Unwilling to wait inside and get caught up in whatever shenanigans or prank she has planned, I wait outside for whichever deputy is supposed to be taking me home. At first, I don’t recognize the cruiser—not until Brian opens the door and steps out. Even in the dark, I can see he’s tired. The circles under his eyes are worse, and I think maybe I can use it as an excuse to get away from him taking me home.

“You know, Poppy hasn’t left yet.” I hedge, trying not to put myself in any emotional danger. “I can get a ride home with her, I’m sure.” I turn to go back inside but stop dead when he reaches the top of the stairs and grabs my arm before I can make it to the door.

He doesn’t stop there, though. Brian picks me up and carries me down the stairs, and if my heart wasn’t pounding so hard I couldn’t hear straight, I’d swear he said something under his breath with me in his arms.

Once he sets me down at the bottom step, he’s almost reluctant to let go. “Get in the car, Maya. We both know that I’d face a firing squad if I didn’t take you home and make sure that everything was okay before I let you go.” His voice is soft, and he’s trying to be gentle with me.

Which of course only serves to make me mad. I tear my arm out of his grip with a lot more force than I need to use. I turn and climb into the passenger seat of the cruiser. I have to be mean. I have to keep the walls up. If I don’t… Well, I’ve already been embarrassed by this man enough to last me a lifetime.

Only a few minutes.

I only need to keep from throwing myself at him for two minutes. I can do that.

I can’t do that.

Who the hell am I kidding? I can’t do it.

Right as I’m about to open the door and take my chances walking through Birch Harbor in the middle of the night, Brian gets into the driver’s side.

The normally two-minute drive somehow turns into fifteen. At least, that’s what it feels like, and the entire way I’m overwhelmed by the scent of him surrounding and wrapping me in its warm embrace. I want to turn and bury my face against his neck even though I’ve convinced myself I don’t care.

I don’t.

Do I?

When he finally pulls into my driveway, I stay put so that he can check the house.

By the time he walks back out the front door, I practically throw myself from the car. “Good night.”

Then I practically run up the steps and try to slip past him before he can say something to make me freeze.

“Wait.” Like that. “Just a minute.” He catches me by the hand, pulling me so I’m flush against him and our fingers are interlaced.

I don’t know how he manages to do it or if my body just naturally reacts to his, but there we are. Now all I have to do is not rub my body against his like I’m a cat in heat.

“I’m tired. I need to get some sleep. And it’s cold out here.” I try to step back, but he follows me, our fingers still connected.

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